So This is Love

Podcast

2012-01-23T21:32:00.003-07:00

http://mormonstories.org/?p=1384

I really enjoyed this podcast about sexuality in the LDS world. It is 3 very long segments, but I think that it is so enlightening. It is a topic that so many Mormon people are uncomfortable with, and this has many suggestions that can shed some light in multiple areas. These LDS psychotherapists focus on how to enjoy it, how to use it to strengthen your marriage, and how to properly prepare your children for it (not only for those early years of abstinence as young men and women, but also to adequately prepare them for the 40 or 50 years of sexuality in marriage.)

I especially like how they focus on LDS women and the misconceptions they deal with in a "benevolent patriarchal" society. I unfortunately had a couple of lessons as a youth similar to the ones they describe. For example, I think someone once compared the young women to a piece of beautiful, polished wood. Sexual sin is like a nail driven into it--forgiveness can remove the nail, but the hole will remain and it will forever be marred. I get where the teacher was going, and of course we consider it a very very serious sin. But hello... repentance and forgiveness do not really equate with that metaphor, at least in my mind. We can never reach exaltation and eventual perfection if we are all full of metaphorical holes from mistakes. They talk about how young men don't receive such lessons about being forever tarnished--it is so one-sided and I am glad to raise the discussion regarding the higher expectations for young women vs the maybe-not-as-high or just-altogether-different expectations of young men.... I just think the focus should be more on the value of an individual and not on becoming something just so you're good enough for your future man.... You'll have to listen to the podcast to understand all the dynamics of this example and so much more--I am sure I am not saying it as well as they do. I just feel there are some major inequalities (and they exist both in and outside of our church) and things that should be done differently to prepare youth not only for their unmarried years, but also for their eventual relationship with their spouse. I think the thing I really took away from this was how I want to prepare and teach my own children.

*Disclaimer: The third portion might make some people uncomfortable. Obviously this is not doctrine. It is just advice from counselors who work with people every day that struggle with sex/desire within marriage. I just thought it was all very interesting.

**What does it say about me that I am a little afraid to click "Publish Post"??

***Raimo has been right with me (even since before we were married) that we would make sure our children were taught about this subject little by little from a young age so that it is not such an uncomfortable thing for them and so they will be well-prepared in a very sexualized, confusing society. He especially wants to teach our daughters of their worth and point out how media devalues womens' bodies and confuses their sense of who they are and what they have to look like/who they have to please. I believe it affects pretty much every woman, no matter how strong and independent she is.

6.5 months

2012-01-18T10:03:00.020-07:00

At her uncles' parade in Novemberin the sink!
with uncle dave
with Tracy
with Parker

Mers and Izzy
four generations
fiesta bowl

We went to the pediatrician on Monday. Rose is 14 pounds 6 ounces and 25 inches and her "princess crown" is 15.5 inches! He says she is growing well and doing all the things he would expect her to be doing at this time. She is starting to push up on all fours--no, not crawling, but getting into push-up position. Maybe she will crawl on hands and feet. She is able to kind of scooch herself around on the floor and she can roll from tummy to back now, even if happens kind of by accident (but she seems to prefer her tummy).

She enjoys this musical book she got for christmas. I need to get her more interactive toys with sounds and lights. She is very interested in toys in general. She can reach pretty far for them and turn them around in her hands. She is very curious. Today we put the gallon of milk next to her bumbo and she sat there and scratched and felt it with her hands for a good 10 or 15 minutes. Earlier this morning she did the same thing with my face while we were in bed. She was just exploring my hair, my ear, my head, and had the most adorable expression on her face. She was really focused and so interested.

She is definitely all girl--she just does things with her body and hands. It is hard to explain, but I honestly don't think these are things that we have put upon her. She is just feminine and lovely, so different from her little baby boy friends. Of course, I will probably have an effect on her girliness with all the flower headbands, pink, ruffles, ect., but I have noticed that her gender is really more than just physical--it really is her spirit/personality. It is amazing how much we can see of that at such a young age. It is strengthening my belief that men and women are born certain genders for a reason and that we are innately different, and not just physically.
crossing her ankles, naturally

The doctor also gave me some specifics for teaching Rose to sleep, but it requires that we sleep in different rooms so I am just waiting on that for a little bit. However, whenever we are not in the room with her (naps and bedtime) I am following his plan. There is less crying now and more sleeping, so I am very happy.

I tried rice cereal a couple of times and she didn't totally reject it, but she also doesn't really know how to use her tongue. I'm sure she'll get the hang of it if I start doing it more often.

6 months is just fun!

Famous

2012-01-09T21:55:00.001-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=HbxQksUxxOw#t=22s

Update on ME and RAIMO

2012-01-05T23:40:00.002-07:00

Rose is a pretty big part of our lives-- I realize I haven't blogged about us very much. We have been in a transient stage for the last 5 months and I really didn't feel like talking about it. Raimo was looking for a job (starting last Februaryish) and was interviewing a bunch of different places. We couldn't seem to move on from our life in Provo after graduation. Raimo was really not happy in his work there for many reasons. We had a baby coming in July so we stuck out the summer (I said to him the other night that my memories of those 4 summer months in that apartment are some of the happiest I can think of, just before and just after Rose's birth. It was so wonderful.) Then we decided to do something crazy to get things going, and moved in with Raimo's parents until we figured out where we were going. 5 months later, we are still here. Raimo quit his job, studied his brains out for a month, rocked his insurance license test, and now he works for Guardian. The beginning has been stressful, yet it is working out great. Raimo is now working in something that has more meaning/is really important for people of all ages/has multiple facets. The more we learn, the more we realize how necessary and important it really is. He really likes his company--we can really count on the people there and on the company as a whole. And to top it off, he is meeting the obligations the company set for him so we are (finally) getting paid.

As for me, I cannot really summarize what I have done for 5 months (besides caring for our baby). It has varied from month to month. Showering/bathing baby/getting us ready each day is an accomplishment, but necessary or else I feel like I am just a stay-at-home-slob. I haven't had a lot of free time until recently, but I read a lot, I watched tv sometimes, I sometimes make dinner, I do a lot of laundry, clean the bathroom, try to keep up journals and blogging, pay all the bills and manage our accounts, buy groceries, dance... yes, we are crazy and have started practicing our routines again. It is good for both of us since we aren't getting much exercise. We go to the church or stake center on mutual nights and hope there is room for us. We paired up with Ryan and Ana Maria who also have a baby and we take the babes asleep in their car seats (after bed time). We are toying with the idea of competing, but I know it will be a totally different dynamic having a baby on the sidelines, not to mention we only practice an hour, maybe 2, per week. However, we enjoy it and if anything it makes us feel good. It is just hard to do it and not go into it 100% like before. One night I took some piano music and practiced--it felt amazing. I wish I had a piano at home because I know I would play a lot.

We have also been doing a lot more socially than we ever did during college. We just never seemed to have the time or the energy when we had so much going on, not to mention so little money before. It is wonderful for me--it is a little break to spend some time with adults! and to have friends to visit with. I have missed that a lot in the last year or two. Raimo is definitely my best friend--sometimes we joke we are each others only friend--and I am so glad to have him always. Every day I so look forward to him coming home.

My birthday came quickly, as it always does, after the holidays. It was a big one. I was excited that Ana Maria called and took me out! It was really nice of her and we had a fun time, and that night Raimo surprised me and took me to sushi at Tsunami, one of my favorites! I even got a dessert. It was so good. And it was a much-needed little break from my little one.

I think 25 sounds pretty old--not old as in wrinkle old, but old as in I am definitely in adult years, not young adult so much and getting farther and farther from high school. I guess it's not a phase of life that I dreamed about or thought much about (I was always looking forward to the early 20's, marriage, that fun stuff) but here I am a quarter of a century. And I'm very happy. I do love my life. I feel like I've had an amazing life so far. And... I feel kind of old. I imagine my siblings would think it is weird that their sister is 25. I am so grateful for the phase I'm in right now. I love being a mom, I love my baby so much, I still love being married... it is not feeling monotonous or boring to me, which I am so glad about. A little over a year ago, before we got pregnant, Raimo and I made some predictions about where we'd be in a year. We were a little off. But it is working out great. And I feel very positive about where we're headed--we have a lot of hard work to do and a lot of saving--things will probably never go the way we plan. Hopefully we will just continue to be blessed.

I did not feel in the mood for resolutions this year. The last couple of years I made some financial goals, then resolved to just have more joy in my life. And I liked that a lot. This year I feel like being easy on myself--in high school I would write up these really ambitious lists: practice piano more, get straight A's, be in a play, learn such and such language, read scriptures every day, learn the violin (that one was on it every year--someday I'll get there), be healthier, work out, etc. etc. It reminds me of an experience I had as a teenager: I bore my testimony and talked about how I had realized I could be/needed to be doing so much more spiritually and being so much more for the Lord. The woman who got up right after me bore her testimony about how she knew that she was doing enough, that she didn't need to beat herself up about not doing more. I remember for some reason it was really embarrassing to me that we had just made completely opposite points. Looking back we were both right because we were both in different phases of life and in different circumstances. Am I in the "I'm doing enough" phase?? I don't really want to be, but maybe I am... I think I just am a lot more tired with less sleep. The parenting phase is just different and I am living a little more day-to-day and a little less week to week or month to month. Though I still feel in my heart that I would like to write that itemized list of things to do better, I'm just not doing it. I think I just need to chill out--"find joy" as I wrote last year. Maybe in a few months I will feel like picking a few goals to work on. I feel like I have this big to-do list (scrapbook Rose's life thus far, journal more, take more photos, print the photos, de-clutter, clean more, take care of switching files from our old computer, find an apartment, keep in touch with so and so, write a letter to that friend, work, blah blah blah) and that list is just in the way of setting any lofty goals. I'll be lucky if I get around to the to-do's!

Wow. So that's it for now.

6 Months Already??

2012-01-05T22:45:00.002-07:00

Little Rose is 6 months tomorrow. It is such a fun fun time! She has the biggest open-mouth smiles for us. We can make her laugh very easily. She plays!!! I don't have to be holding and entertaining quite as much. She really reaches for toys and can move around quite a bit. She is so curious about everything around her. She can really crane her neck around when she hears a sound. Her little arms are really strong and she can push her upper body really high from the floor.

What else?

She is wearing 3 month and 3-6 month clothes and size 2 diapers. I don't know her weight and height--I'll find out at the appointment this month. I still get stopped everywhere over how beautiful she is--today in the grocery store, at an apartment complex. At Panda Express this worker totally freaked out, saying she had thought she was a doll, then realized she was real. She is a little dolly baby--yes, this is my blog and I can say how beautiful my baby girl is! My mom said her eyes are like blue marbles in the light--so true. She is getting a little bit of hair (little!) Her cheeks and nose are always pink because she rubs her face down against the mattress at night. She has this funny thing where she kicks her right leg over and over. She also brings her hands together under her chin and brings them up and down (Raimo considers it her show of victory). She also slaps her hands down toward her legs over and over when she is excited, like lots of babies do I guess--but it is just so so cute!

She enjoys getting undressed!! Pajama time is a fun part of the day--we give her belly lots of kisses and she laughs and laughs. She is very ticklish. She now associates getting undressed with laughing--it is so funny. I love her!!!

Also, ever since she was born I have kissed her feet when I change her diapers. I still love pulling those feet out of her jammies and putting them up to my face and she curls her toes against it and smiles.

I started letting her "cry it out" this week. If you think about it, that phrase is stupid because there is nothing to "get out" of her. She is really just learning how to fall asleep unassisted. This is going to help me tremendously--for the record, I have been spending large amounts of time in our bathroom (the only really dark room in the house) with the fan on for some white noise, rocking, singing... whatever I have to do. Whatever--it worked for us for a few months. But so far the sleep training seems to be working and I feel great about it. She doesn't have to cry for hours--it lasts maybe 30 minutes. I go in and rub her face and make sure she's ok, but she stays in the crib. And then she sleeps!! Now if we can get her to take naps longer than 30 minutes at a time, this will be awesome. It will also be awesome for whenever she happens to wake up too early from a nap or when she wakes up over and over at night--hopefully she'll be able to figure out that going back to sleep is the thing to do!

I bought some rice cereal, but I just don't want to do it! Maybe I will wait a little longer. I'm totally good with the milk-only thing. So simple and so convenient and so free! I have enjoyed breast feeding a lot (not that it's over). The beginning was very rough. Rose has not been the best at it--even now she still fights me on one side, and now she is getting so strong that it is getting harder to hold her! But I love the closeness and the fact that I am the one that gets to do it. Rose sure loves her milk.

One fun thing: she now reacts to music! She stares at the cd player and seems to really respond to what she's hearing.

I feel like this milestone is a big one. It is really a big difference from the other months, and I think that if the sleeping improves it will be even more of a milestone!

This post is old!

2011-12-13T21:55:00.002-07:00

( I typed this a few weeks ago and never posted). Rose is 5 months now, and absolutely darling. Month 4 was filled with a fast-growing baby. She gained 2 pounds between her 4-month check-up and her 5-month dr appointment. What? She jumped from 11 to 13 pounds. She is soo smart (we like to think so ;)). She can make a taco with her tongue if we do it too--we have yet to catch it on tape. So cuuuuute. She rolls to the right (from back to tummy) and rarely stays on her back. You can tell she really wants to be moving.

Praise Heaven

2011-12-13T21:42:00.003-07:00

Rose slept 8 hours straight last night.

If I had known she was going to do that, I would have gone to bed earlier. She has been waking every 2 or 3 hours to eat or just to cry. She has also been doing slightly better today and yesterday with naps--I mean sleeping 30 mins or even 1 hour instead of 10 minutes and then screaming like nobody's business for 20 while being held by me.

Hopefully I don't jinx this, but she seems to be feeling better. She has had either a cold or stomach issues back-to-back for 6 or 7 weeks and I am TIRED. I loved her still, but it was trying. So far so good tonight. I put her in bed and she woke up (!) but went back to sleep on her own. I have not been able to put her in bed awake since 2 months.

I kiss this face a million times a day.

2011-11-28T17:38:00.012-07:00

So I missed the 4 month update. Rose turned 4 months on November 6th. The previous month was full of changes and new developments! She is very responsive--she imitates what we say to her, vowels in particular. She also blows bubbles in response to us. The last week of her 3rd month, she rolled over to the tummy. Now she is a rolling fiend. But she gets stuck on her stomach and gets frustrated because she wants to be mobile. She also loves to stand. She is now much better about playing with toys--she can pretty much hold and handle them without help. This makes life much easier! She is so much fun. It was also a hard month (and month 4 is continuing to be so). She has had a recurring cold/flu--she is not always her usual cheerful self. Also, we have been struggling to get her to take some longer naps, otherwise she is sooo unhappy. But such is life! At least she does pretty well at night. She had her first Halloween and was tinkerbell. She was adorable. We really partied--wore our costumes to 3 different events that weekend.

As for me, I have been reading more than usual. It's fun to get back into it and to find myself immersed in a book. I enjoyed The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Society. I also liked Princess Academy by Shannon Hale. I also read 3 Weeks with my Brother by Nicolas Sparks. I loved it--so full of great childhood stories and it really makes you think about your loved ones. I also read Mrs. Mike--I loved it! There may have been one other I can't remember.

Someone wrote on her blog that 3 o'clock is the worst time of day for a mom. I totally agree. It is the longest time of day, baby starts to fuss in the evening, and I feel like I have been waiting forever already for Raimo to get home. I am always excited to see him. However, it is not such a long wait now that he isn't commuting from Provo! Yay!

We had a great Thanksgiving week. My photos aren't uploaded yet--I will write about it later. My mom said she looks totally different from 2 months ago. She really is changing every day!

P.S. I forgot to mention Rose had checkups again. She was 11 pounds 6 ounces. She is 24.5 inches and head was 15.3. She is still in 0-3 months and 3 months clothes. She is too tall for the 0-3 pajamas though! Her face has really rounded out, but she is still long and skinny--just the teeniest belly!
P.P.S. I MADE those Halloween costumes for Raimo and me. This was a big deal because I have never made anything without a pattern or without having someone walk me through every step! They looked homemade, but I was proud. My dress began as a Victoria's Secret negligee and robe from the DI!

3 Days Old!

2011-10-18T11:43:00.003-06:00

We were watching videos of Rose when she was a newborn. She is definitely grown up now, 3 and a half months and so much bigger! It is a little sad that she is not so new and little anymore, but I have to remind myself of all the fun things about this phase. Right now she is soo smiley and happy and so much easier a lot of the time. But here is a video we took right before leaving the hospital. Love that her eyes go in all different directions and that her binky is as big as her head!

cute!!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-10-18T11:10:00.002-06:00

A full week

2011-10-14T11:43:00.016-06:00

This has been one of the busiest weeks for me. Raimo's last day at Veracity was Tuesday, which means I get the car!!!!

On Wed. I went to Provo and got together with Kylie. We went to Kneader's and then walked around the mall. I got Rose a few new headbands/flowers. On Thurs. Monica came to Sandy and we hung out, made kabobs, watched a movie, and got pedicures. It was much needed! Friday we went to Provo to visit Ryan and Ana Maria and their new baby, Beckham. We went out for some delicious food and hung out at their place. Today we went to Mikko's hockey game, out to lunch, and walked around Fashion Place where we ran into Dave and Anna. Fun day. Tonight I'm not sure what we'll do. Maybe just hang out.

So here are some more photos from last month.

Love that mouth

Mewideth holding Wose

3 Months

2011-10-06T12:10:00.034-06:00

This is another post about Rose, for all you Rose fans. She is three months today, and I feel like it has just flown by. Raimo thinks it has been a very slow 3 months. She has continued to grow little by little. This month she grew out of some of the newborn stuff--so sad to pack it away!!! The newborn shoes are too big still, but she is wearing 0-3 and some 3 month clothes. She has finally settled into a routine, sleeping from 8 or 9 pm till 8 or 9 am, with feedings at 4 and 6:30, and general fussiness/sleep between 6:30 and 8 am. She is awake a lot of the time in the day. She takes a few 20 or 30 minute cat-naps, but I usually have to really try to make her take naps at all. Not good!!! The other day I laid her on the changing pad for a second and when I turned around she was asleep! That was really cute. Her belly is getting a little chubbers and her little thighs have new rolls :)

This is one of my favorite outfits!

She sleeps on her right side with arms over her face. She does this with her arms when she eats too.
and sometimes on her back with arms up. She is good about going to sleep at night. I usually have to put the binky back in a couple of times, but she doesn't get upset about having to go to bed.

One of those catnaps. So cute

And let's get real--lots of the time she looks like this. Her cry has gotten stronger- more gusto.
Cute booties and matching headband!
Big toe sticks out!!!!
During priesthood this weekend Nicole and I went to Nordstrom with this:
5 kids under age 4. It was like a parade-- we got lots of stares.

Rose finally met Lilia. She is 24 days younger than Lilia.

We are still living in Sandy. We pass the time riding turtles
watching hGTV
being cute

and having princess parties.

Princess Rose fell asleep in the doll buggy.

Snuggles with dad
Rose had a minor cold this week, but she is doing ok.
I finally bought Goodnight Moon ( and Corduroy and an A Zeal of Zebras). Rose enjoys books--at least the sound of our voice and the pictures. She is so attentive for such a small thing! She always locks eyes with strangers at church and the mall and the store, and they just fall in love and can;t help stopping and talking to her and asking me how old she is. It catches people off guard. She isn't showing much interest in reaching for things or rolling for them. The only rolling has happened on the bed and couch but that was with some slant. She does love to stand (with support). She seems to prefer it to sitting. She still loves to talk--she is so social and wants attention. She loves when you sing to her. She hates to be put on the floor or be left alone. She is very spoiled and gets to be held a lot. I have really soaked up these first months with her, but I'm trying to get her to be interested in playing so I can get some things done. She still cries in the car seat, but it has improved and I try not to let that stop me from going out.
No matter what, when we go out to eat she decides to cry through the meal. It's like she knows. Raimo and I get a date night on the weekend and Rose stays with Mimi.
This month she started drooling. Fun.

A couple of weeks ago I was feeling so exhausted. There was one night where I didn't go to sleep till 4 am. And it wasn't Rose- she was asleep. I was just having some insomnia. And then it kept happening--I would be up till 1 and have to wake up a few hours later with the baby. I had my first breakdown since having a baby, one night when I couldn't sleep. Elder Uchtdorf's talk to the Relief Society came at the right time. I went to the doctor because my ears were bothering me, but it wasn't an ear infection. The doctor was really great and wanting to help. It was so nice to take care of me for once, as my focus has been on baby and Raimo. She gave me all these referrals-- for a TMJ specialist (since that can cause ear pain), her dentist since I don't have one, a physical therapist, a prescription for a pain med that will also help me sleep. She was so nice. I started by going to the dentist. I was really glad--he was really nice and we hadn't been in a while. He also confirmed that TMJ flares up with stress... so that solves it. I feel immense stress when I can't sleep. I used to leave slumber parties because I couldn't sleep and it gave me anxiety. Not to mention the stress of caring for a baby. He said a specialist will give me exercises and stretches that might help.

I've been sleeping better and I think it helps that it has cooled off this week.

Today this surprised us:

Yes, that's snow. Strangely I'm ok with it, though I am ready for some lovely autumn. I'm glad it's cooling down. It rained yesterday and last night and this morning and for part of today it turned to snow. I feel happier when it rains--I'm tired of being hot. It's not fun when there's no pool or beach or summer activities to go with it. This is the first summer of my life that I did not get any tan whatsoever. Hopefully next year. Meanwhile, I'm enjoying the rain.

I typed most of this one-handed.

Percentiles at 2 Months

2011-09-20T20:17:00.002-06:00

Since my pediatrician didn't tell me where Rose falls in percentiles, I looked it up online. She is very little!

Based on the data you submitted, your child falls into the following percentiles:

Length = between percentile 10 and 25
Weight = below percentile 5
Head Circumference = below percentile 5

And here's what they were when she was born:

Based on the data you submitted, your child falls into the following percentiles:

Length = in percentile 50
Weight = between percentile 25 and 50
Head Circumference = below percentile 5

She really does have a tiny head! haha

2011-09-15T16:31:00.014-06:00

These pics are a little unorganized. Rose's 8th week brought more crying, more gas, less sleeping. All the routines were upset by our traveling. She had her 2 month appointment. She is now 8 pounds 14 ounces, 21 and 3/4 inches long and her head is 14.4 centimeters. Just for record purposes, when she was born she was 6 pounds 10 ounces and 19.5 inches and her head was 10 centimeters. At her five day appointment she was 6 pounds 5 ounces, and at her 2 week appointment she was 6 pounds 14 ounces and still 19.5 inches.

So she has gained two pounds exactly since the last appointment. And by now (10 weeks) she is probably 9 pounds! Hard to believe my tiny baby has grown that much. She had her shots that day and had a fever for the following 4 or 5 days. It kind of freaked me out--it is so hard to see your baby not feeling well. That week was our first road trip with Rose. She did quite well. It took sooo much longer having to stop for feedings, but she was a champ and I think it helped her get used to her car seat a little more. She doesn't always cry in it now. She slept pretty much the whole way. And we had her blessing at grandma and grandpa's house. It was such a beautiful blessing, and Rose cooed at dad throughout the whole thing. It was such a special day.

Here we are on the Beaver rocking chair. Never mind that I look like trash-- it was Rose's first time.

Rose met her great-grandmas for the first time on this trip

More driving

Week 9 flew by. We hopped back in the car for yet another road trip. I stopped in Vegas to play with Marko, Amanda, Sofie, and Laila. Sofie loved Rose. Raimo continued to California for a job interview, which was successful, however it is not turning out to be a job we are that interested in after all unfortunately. It does not have any of the things we are looking for, so it was a depressing drive back home.

Here is some skin to skin time. She went to sleep right away.

Today we are at week 10. Rose is more darling than ever. The fussiness is not as bad. She is getting smarter all the time. She communicates with us all the time. She listens and looks at pictures when we read books to her. She seems to be at the point where she needs some entertainment--she doesn't just want to lay there. I need to get her some kind of interactive toys or something.

Raimo and I are trying to figure out what to do next. He has some more interviews lined up, but for now he is still commuting to Provo. I hope he finds a family-friendly job that gives him a little freedom compared to the standard 8-5 ( but that is just my personal hope--not really something that will happen I am guessing). And that will also make him happy of course. So far most jobs would be less pay than his current job, so they are not very appealing. We are looking in CA and Vegas mostly. Wish us luck! We really want to move on from this job and the not so honest management there.

2011-08-29T14:39:00.010-06:00

Rose kicked off her seventh week by going wakeboarding. Yes, she enjoyed it... see for yourself.

She also decided it would be a good week to stop sleeping long stretches and go back to eating every 3 or even 2 hours. We were spoiled for a few weeks. She has also been ravenous the last few weeks... she never ate as often as 2 hours, but now she is always hungry. She also had her first really awful bouts of gas--after some medicine she finally felt better (hours later). She seemed to get more stomach aches this week than ever, but she is doing ok now.

She has attempted to suck on her little fists here and there, but hasn't really become a finger sucker. She also licks my shoulder, arm, blanket, or whatever is nearby. Also, she used to fall asleep instantly in her lamb chair with the vibrator. I am sad that this trick no longer works--getting her to nap takes a little more than that now, though I still use the chair a lot. We got out the bumbo for the first time yesterday. She looks so teeny in it! Her neck can rest against the back of it, though sometimes she slumps over.

We are not quite there yet, but she looks so grown up in it!!! I don't want her to grow up! She is also making the transition from newborn diapers to size 1 (there is such a huge size difference here-- why are the size 1's so big?) She had 2 blowouts yesterday (always at church of course), and they are getting more and more common so I'm thinking it is time. She is still in newborn clothes with the occasional 0-3 month outfit, but she is long and skinny and a lot of baby clothes are very wide so they don't quite work. She has grown out of a couple of her pajamas and a few tiny onesies and grown into all the other newborn clothes that were too big.

It is fun that she coos even more now. She responds to you when you talk to her. It is pretty exciting. She smiles and has great expressions when she's dreaming. She still attracts a lot of attention when we go out. Everyone asks me how old she is and comments on how beautiful she is and how new she looks. People ask if they can look at my baby at the grocery store and Walmart. The older ladies love it. I have to time our outings during naps so she doesn't cry in the carseat and also because it is the only way I can go without feeding her for so long. I love our carseat, btw. I am very happy with our Maxi Cosi and would recommend it! The only thing is it doesn't sit in a shopping cart very well like some do, but it is so lightweight and so cute and easy to put in the car.

Becoming a mom is so much fun and is as wonderful as I hoped it would be. I was surprised by the fact that having Rose has brought Raimo and I closer, and it is not necessarily based on time spent together or how we help each other, but on how we are so much more of a family with her. You would think that all of our attention would be focused on her and less on each other, but somehow, as busy as I am with baby and he with work, we are closer.

Everyone is posting about how they have to start school. I am so happy it is not me!

Rose at 6 weeks

2011-08-20T20:36:00.003-06:00

Little Rose is in her bassinet. She is awake, just looking around. She was pretty adorable tonight so it was hard to put her in bed! She was cooing a little and looking into our eyes, giving us some smiles and listening to stories. Man, some of those childrens' books really make Raimo and I tear up. They are so sweet and sentimental. And we are pretty in love with our baby so any book about parent and child makes us lose it. Anyway, Rose has gotten pretty good about going to bed at night--no more bouncing and rocking her to sleep (only when her tummy aches at night). And she will sleep till 3:30 or even 5:30. She eats more in the day now to make up for it I guess. I feel like I am actually getting caught up on all those weeks without sleep. She still gets to join mom and dad in bed in the morning around 6 or 7 for snuggles and sometimes more sleeping. She is so cute in the mornings--she is most relaxed then. However, she howls when she gets strapped into the car seat and put in the car. She is only happy if she has just recently been fed and is able to fall asleep (so unlike the first few weeks where she would fall asleep instantly in the car!) I am hoping this changes before we embark on an 8 hour drive to California.

On Monday (the 15th) she rolled from her stomach to her back. Such a little thing and so momentous! Monday was also our last night in our apartment and by Tuesday we were living in Sandy with Raimo's parents. She napped pretty well those last few days that we were moving... thankfully! But I also had help from Monica and Tammy so I was able to get everything done. I am tired of moving. I was glad to be able to be settled again and give her some more attention.

Rose is seriously a good baby. While there are moments when parenthood seems very overwhelming (when she is crying very very loudly or when my body is so so tired), overall it has been an easy adjustment with Rose. From the beginning she ate every 3 hours like clockwork and slept pretty well. She was a very easy newborn, and, even as she is growing, has not been too colicky. And for me, it has been so much fun! I could hold her all day (and I do). It is like playing house, but the real thing and way better. And she is soo beautiful! Like a little china doll. At 6 weeks, she is a bit bigger than when she was born, but she is still pretty small. She has filled out in the cheeks and thighs a little, though she is still very long and lean for a baby--long fingers, toes, legs and arms. And she has a tiny little head and tiny face (about as long as my pinky) and tiny features. It is hard to tell that in the pictures, and she is prettier in real life. I wish I could capture it better so I can look back on it. Her eyes have changed and are sapphire blue--not really my eye color or Raimo's. We'll see if they change again.

Daddy sings Justin Bieber's "Baby" to her, substituting "baby, oh" for "baby Rose". I try to think of songs that have Rose in them, but all that comes to mind is "Moses supposes his toeses are Roses" so she's heard that a few times. Also "There Were Bells" has the line "and there were wonderful roses." I sing a lot of show tunes and love songs to her. Raimo sings "How do you like your eggs in the morning?..." and primary songs. She responds to our singing-- not to music from the radio or cds.

She is still in newborn diapers and newborn clothes, some 0-3 month. We just rotate outfits. I am guessing she is 7 pounds now and has probably grown an inch since the 2 week appointment. Her hair has grown slightly. It is still very sparse. She fits in her headbands now so she wears one every day! So fun!

Sneak Peak

2011-08-18T18:56:00.000-06:00

Rose Colette Laitinen

2011-07-28T13:39:00.035-06:00

Our baby girl was born July 6th at 5:18 p.m. weighing 6 pounds 10 ounces, measuring 19.5 inches. We are so in love with her.

Raimo getting pumped up after 14 hours of waiting

One day old

Home from the hospital

Recouperating
Riding in the car (1 Week old)
an outing (Target)--first time shopping
First baseball game
With Papa
With her 3-month older cousin, Parker

3 Weeks old
I have pretty much retreated from society and am just enjoying my baby girl every day.

Update

2011-06-29T11:59:00.002-06:00

I'm washing tiny baby clothes! They are SO adorable. My baby girl is going to have a new outfit every single day of her life.

I have been feeling very cramp-y lately. It wakes me up in the morning. Also I have contractions all the time, but they aren't painful. Also, the acid reflux has returned and eating isn't very fun.

I'm reading a ton and trying to enjoy being bored. Baby will be here very soon!

Reviews

2011-06-21T15:30:00.004-06:00

I watched A Month by the Lake yesterday--there is a ridiculous deal going on at Blockbuster right now where you basically get unlimited free movies till July 4. Check it out. So we have been watching tons of movies and this one was beautiful!!! It takes place at Lake Como in Italy. The scenery is gorgeous. It makes me wish I had an upcoming trip to Italy so I could visit this place! And the story wasn't so bad either.

Places I'd like to visit (or revisit)
-Lake Como, Italy
-Switzerland
-Venice
-Napoli
-Nice/ the South of France
-Greece
-Spain
-Morocco
-Denmark, Sweden, Estonia, Russia

We could probably cover the Mediterranean on a cruise ship--I think that would be amazing! We'd have to do the northern countries on a separate trip. Oh, and I also want to go to Australia. Better start saving.

Anyway, back to reviews. I'm also reading a book called The Day I Ate Whatever I Wanted by Elizabeth Berg. It is a collection of stories and I'm really liking it. There were a couple of unnecessary swear words and a few lewd references, but this woman really understands food and I identify with her writing/humor in a lot of ways. It's enjoyable, and you only have to read one short story at a time if you want to.

I also read the final Emily book in the Montgomery series and enjoyed it. It's the kind of book I'd buy for my 12-14 year old daughter I think.

I read a few other books from the library but I don't think they're really worth mentioning. I didn't love them.

P.S. I walked to the Provo library for some exercise. It wore me out! It will be interesting to see how well I can handle exercise after a baby. Thankfully, only 29 pounds gained at this point. My doctor says I ought to have a shirt made that says I am 5'4'' and weigh that at 9 months.... anyway. He applauds me every appointment and makes me feel pretty good about not overdoing it. He gave me a warning at about 6 or 7 months that really freaked me out--I guess it's really easy to pack on pounds at the end. (Instead, I indulge myself in foodie books that describe all things delicious HA!)

P.P.S. We have a bassinet set up now next to the bed and it makes me all the more excited!! Can't wait for her to come! I am just waiting.

Sentimental

2011-06-13T12:26:00.002-06:00

As I mentioned, I have been going through bags and bags of old photos, cards, and letters and organizing all of our stuff that has collected during the last 3 years. I have re-read some really sweet cards and notes that loved ones sent me, and I am glad that I am putting them in notebooks where they'll be more accessible to me in the future. Some of the dearest letters were those sent during Raimo's and my engagement, some birthday cards, and some of them are notes from my grandmas, who always offered praise and encouragement and would send a little "extra" cash or a little "dance money." However, one of the most special things I found was a high school graduation card just from Grandpa (Grandmas always wrote the cards.. usually). It was typed up on the inside of a card in that typewriter print he always used:

Jessica: I wish you lots of success in your new venture. I am very proud of you. I'm sure you have heard me say that after high school I continued to work. Later I went to Weber College for one semester mostly for the music program (I actually don't remember hearing any of this from him before) . I since have realized what a great advantage a college education is. Enclosed is a special gift for you, it is an emergency fund yours to use when in need, it is also to help you learn to control your money. If you find yourself in a bind, look at the bill... then try to work out the problem without having to use the bill. By working extra, budgeting, or maybe even going without. Here is my special offer, at the end of the school year you have been able to control your finances and still have this bill in your possession, I will double it with another one.. OK? Good luck. I love you a whole bunch and will be praying for you. Grandpa

I had totally forgotten about this promise, and I don't think I took him up on that offer at the end of the year! I have no idea where that bill is, or how big it was, but I am grateful for the lesson he offered me. I'm sure it did not stick with me that particular year as I did not work my first year away from home and was always wanting to spend, spend, spend. But since I have become totally independent of my parents and have had to learn how to save and budget, this piece of advice really rings true. I am going to try harder to hang onto my savings, and when I'm in a bind, I'll see what else I can do before using it. Unfortunately, my savings account has acted more like a checking at certain times of my life. I have good intentions when adding to that fund, but I need to leave it there!!!

One extra little perk: I found some forgotten cash among my high school graduation cards!! From Aunt Nancy, Gramma & Grandpa, Grandma Lupe & Grandpa Joe. It was a little treat after 6 years (can it have been that long already??) !!! It also made me feel a little sentimental seeing cards that still included my grandpas' names. I also found "a little dance help" from Grandma Joan that I had saved last year, and then never used! Those extra bills are definitely as helpful now (if not more so) than they were when I received them, and now I need to decide where to deposit them! I ought to put them away as my "emergency fund"...

Very busy couple of weeks

2011-06-10T16:19:00.004-06:00

So at the end of May I found Manavu apartments in Provo, which normally house single men but have contracts for marrieds from April to August. They are two bedroom, two bathroom, have a very large kitchen and living space, lots of closet space, and--best of all--have a kitchen table and chairs!!! And they are 125$ cheaper per month than our Nantucket apartment (granted, it means we have to move again in August, but that was kind of the plan anyway) AND we don't have to pay any utilities. I listed our apartment on Craigslist just to see if we'd get any bites, and after one weekend we'd had 3 couples come to see it, one that was ready to sign a contract for June, and one that was also quite interested. So we called up the landlord to let her know we were moving out (we were at the end of our contract anyway, but I had sent the check already for the next month so basically we were out of contract but would need a refund). But I was feeling good that we had found her renters and it shouldn't be a problem. Well, she had decided she was going to raise the rent by 100 dollars!! Needless to say, she lost all of those interested renters with the new price.

But I went ahead and signed the contract for Manavu for the summer because I just felt good about it. So we got our keys right before Memorial weekend, and I headed over there to clean the heck out of it. After about an hour and a half I was exhausted. Haha. I had no idea how hard it was going to be to move an entire apartment at 8 months pregnant. It made me realize how much I appreciate my usual, non-pregnant, strong body. As a single person, I had been able to pack up all of my belongings and stuff them into my car every single spring and clean up in just ONE day. We have SO much more stuff now--all the wedding gifts and kitchen stuff, furniture, memorabilia, clothes, blankets, food, and junk have just been collecting for the last 3 years has ballooned into many many truckloads. We started kind of slow--Raimo helped me clean after work, and we brought the first few loads of stuff over that day. We rearranged all the beds and furniture in the place to make room for our stuff, and that was kind of heavy too--again, seemed like it should be no big deal since I rearranged our furniture all the time without Raimo in the old place.

It ended up taking 6 days to get everything moved--it would have been less if I had done more packing beforehand, but it was such a quick decision to move so I wasn't very prepared. We had some help from the home teachers to move our bed, from Brendan to move a few large items, and from Raimo's dad to get the biggest stuff transferred on the last day. That last day was the worst--we still had to clean the old place, and it hadn't really had a deep clean in the 3 years we were there. But we had to get it done because we were leaving the next day for California. SO we cleaned the heck out of it-- I was pretty done. I kept saying to Raimo let's just not clean it and we'll give up the 250$ cleaning deposit. But we finished, and we went out to dinner at Red Lobster.

(PS still haven't gotten that deposit back, still haven't gotten a refund on that month's rent. I'm still hopeful--supposedly the landlord is in town this week so maybe we will get it after she checks out the place.)

We headed home on Thursday. This required MORE packing, but thankfully just a suitcase. I was surprised that the drive wasn't too uncomfortable. We made it in time for Reed's promotion, which was Friday morning. He was probably the tallest 8th grader out there! He is going to do great in high school. We went to lunch at Farmer Boy's, which I haven't eaten in years. The fried zucchini was such a treat! I never get to eat that! On Saturday I had a baby shower-- I was so surprised how generous everyone was! I was totally loaded up with baby clothes and stuff from my registry. I feel so much more prepared for a baby, and now when people ask what I still need, I have a much better idea of what to tell them. Just a few things, but honestly they are more of conveniences, not even needs. We are pretty stocked up and that is exciting. We stayed a few more days, spent some time in the sun, and came home on our 3 year anniversary. That drive was not quite as pleasant--I was really glad to get out of the car and just be home. I put all my baby stuff in our baby room (which is also the study and craft and guest room). It is really nice that everything has a place! In Nantucket, I had to keep all the baby stuff in the living room and in boxes. And everything is just more spacious in general. We can actually walk around in our bedroom and I will be able to make sit-down dinners.

So I have been spending my days in my pajamas just trying to clear the mess we made when we moved in. I have been finding a place for everything and actually re-packing a lot of stuff that we won't need before the next move in August. I've been organizing and throwing out a lot of things we don't need. I may not be nesting exactly, but I'm sure de-junking everything. I had 3 huge drawers filled with pamphlets and letters and cards and photos and all kinds of things I thought I would put in scrapbooks. Well, the scrapbooking hasn't really happened at all during college, so today I just put all of it in sheet protectors (in order by date) and filled three 3-ring binders with just memorabilia. I re-read some really nice notes and cards. I put most of our photos in albums already--I'm only about one year behind on photos-- but I plan on getting caught up and starting my baby's album!

Today I've been feeling some lower back pain--probably sat in the chair too long. For about 3 weeks in May I was having acid reflux. I just felt like I couldn't eat anything or else I'd feel it creeping back up my throat all afternoon and night. Thankfully that has not been as much of a problem lately, but I still can't eat too much or I suffer the consequences. I am looking forward to getting this baby out and getting to see her! I'm looking forward to bending over and being able to do everyday things like a normal human being. Oh, and to having wardrobe options again. I'm even excited to have a baby wake me up in the night because then I get to hold her!

Haiku and two very silly poems

2011-05-25T13:02:00.004-06:00

I would sleep but thoughts
cling to my mind like beetles
that will not shake loose.

I have been a little preoccupied the last few weeks, worrying whether we should move or not and where to and if we should sign any contracts, considering the ultimate goal is to get a job outside of Provo. And still the answer is... I don't know. But we have some things in the works--we'll just have to see. Patience has been the name of the game these last 4 or 5 months.

I ran across this very insightful quote today while packing up some old notebooks:

"If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours."

The keys there are moving forward, being confident, seeking out the life which we have imagined. But is it that easy?

I also found in the same notebook a bunch of my first poems. They are all so whimsical and dreamy...

"Living in a Castle of Sand" by Jessica Contreras

"I want an adventure!" said Maryann to her dear friend , Betty-Liegh,
"Let's move from the city
to somewhere more pretty...
I know!"exclaimed she, "To the sea!"

So they packed up their bags and set off for the coast. The feeling of freedom felt grand.
They took shovels and pails,
not hammers and nails,
and built up a castle of sand!

In the castle they live, eating crabs and squid, and sleep in the sand on the floor.
Their life is quite wild
and shows that a child
can live happy and well on the shore.

So perchance to the seaside you plan to go, remember to look for these girls!
They live in the sun
and have oceans of fun
and wear bracelets and anklets of pearls!

Maybe Raimo and I could just live in a castle of sand. If only I were 12 again :)

One more for fun:

"Fairies"

Blossoms bloom round April-May
and fairies pop right out to play.

They breeze about on fragile wings
like eyelashes a-fluttering.

Their wee voices are heard when'er
a flower is plucked for someone's hair.

They feast on berries, sip the dew,
but always leave some there for you!

31.5 weeks

2011-05-17T17:21:00.003-06:00

A lot has happened since this post where I listed some of baby's first milestones. Here are some new ones that have happened between week 13 and 31:

-grew girl parts--yay girls!
-attended her first general conference
-eaten lots of chocolate ice cream
-spent over 500 hours listening to mom talk on the phone about people's debt
-listened to lots of country music
-attended her first college graduation
-received lots of clothes... still more to come!
-gone on every Friday night date with mom and dad
-heard mom practice the piano
-heard her first stories from dad
-spent quality time with new cousins closest to her age, Laila and Parker
-became long and skinny, reaching around 15 inches and weighing 2 or 3 pounds

What I have been doing lately

2011-05-13T11:24:00.002-06:00

Girl in Hyacinth Blue
by Susan Vreeland

Rebecca
by Daphne du Maurier

A Town Like Alice
by Nevil Shute

The Shrouded Walls
The Dark Shore
The Waiting Sands
April's Grave
The Devil on Lammas Night
by Susan Howatch

When Christ and His Saints Slept
by Sharon Kay Penman

Baby Wise: Giving Your Infant the Gift of Nighttime Sleep

I've picked up reading again. I'm still not finished with the last few, but I have been reading more lately than I have since graduation. I enjoyed each of these books, and have a hankering for more. I've been wanting to go to the Provo library just because it is fun to pick out an armful of books, but I have had (and still have) so many books to read on my own shelf at home!

Raimo's Graduation

2011-04-29T14:58:00.020-06:00

What a busy weekend.... I found a recap of Richard G. Scott's talk at BYU's Commencement (from the Deseret News by Marianne Holman). I was so hot during that meeting and had a bad stomach ache from eating a JDogg, and we were literally on the very top bleacher in the Marriott Center, but I really loved the talk.

One of my favorite lines by Richard G. Scott was: "Strong character is more important than what you own, what you have learned, or what goals you have accomplished." Obviously possessions will not bring us happiness, but the other two items surprised me. We always put so much emphasis on education (even in church), and yet even in a commencement ceremony, where we are celebrating our academic milestones, the apostle points out to us that even the things we learn and accomplish are secondary to having and maintaining strong character. To me, that means that our life choices and our day-to-day actions, along with the real desires of our hearts, mean so much more to the Lord than any great academic accolades. It was particularly reassuring to me, as I have been thinking a lot about motherhood and the lifestyle I will be living for at least the next 20 years, or longer (feeling a little bit like my life is over!) That day I felt slightly jealous of those graduates in black, about to receive their Master's Degrees. I could have started that path last year, but I chose not to. While that would have been a great and worthwhile endeavor, I was just grateful to be reminded that the Lord judges us according to our character and not by our degree, and that I have many other important things that I will do in my lifetime, particularly as a mother.(I was 7 months on the dot that day)

I also liked the concept of following the same guiding principles wherever you are; don't allow them to change because of circumstance. Be the person you want to be everywhere.

Points 4 and 8 also stood out to me: Let the Lord guide you, and Serve wherever He needs you. Raimo and I are in a transient stage right now and have no idea what is coming next. We have been praying more fervently for guidance and for help in finding the right job and applying for the right locations. We really could go anywhere, start anything at this point, but I know He will help us find what is right for us. Not only that, but He will send us to the place where we will be able to serve the best.

I am grateful to have attended a school where everything is focused around the gospel, rather than on becoming great in the eyes of the world. The whole meeting focused on our life path and becoming people of great character, and I loved that.

Here are photos of convocations. The most magical part to me was when the organist began Pomp and Circumstance and then the dramatic parting of the curtains with all the graduates sitting behind it! The audience just all gasped together and started cheering--it was really beautiful, and Raimo was right there in the center. It was so intimate compared to my convocation in the Marriott Center!
Raimo is so cute

Immediately upon seeing the following picture of myself, I made us take another in a different position. See ~~wide?~~ why?
So anyways, there I am in all my 28-week glory.

Jumping for joy

We had dinner at Texas Roadhouse afterward. Here are Marko and Amanda. We finally met their new baby, Laila!

The "Y" on the mountain was lit for graduation. Can you tell?

I pasted the rest of the talk below:
Individuals must be a force for good in a world that desperately needs it, Elder Richard G. Scott told more than 6,000 Brigham Young University graduates and their supporters on Thursday afternoon.

Students from every U.S. state and 72 different countries listened to the apostle for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as he spoke during commencement exercises in the Marriott Center on the BYU campus.

"This world is in serious trouble," Elder Scott said. "The fundamental values of this nation are being undermined. There is a continual crumbling of principle, virtue, integrity and religious values — the foundation stones of civilization and the definitive ingredients of peace and happiness."

But despite the difficulties in the world, it is a solid foundation of faith, character and integrity that will help individuals find peace, joy and purpose in life, Elder Scott said.

"God uses your faith to mold your character," he said. "Character is woven patiently from threads of doctrine, principle and obedience. Character is the manifestation of what you are becoming. Your character will be the yardstick that God will use to determine how well you have used your mortal life.

"Strong character is more important than what you own, what you have learned, or what goals you have accomplished. Your consistent exercise of faith builds strong character. In turn, fortified confidence in conquering the trials of life."

Elder Scott shared ten specific points to help individuals to successfully developing their character and find joy in life.

1. Establish a set of principles to guide every aspect of life — home, church service, profession and community.

"Many people try to compartmentalize their lives and have a standard for Church, another standard for what they do in business, and in other aspects of their life," Elder Scott said. "I very strongly counsel you not to do that. There really is only one set of standards that make sense. Those are the teachings of Jesus Christ which signal to us the importance of faith, service, obedience and integrity."

2. Don't make exceptions to your standards. "Never compromise them," he said. "Be loyal to the teachings that you have received here and have received from your parents. They are the things of greatest worth. ... If you integrate that with what you know about the teachings of the Lord, examples of those worthy people who are role models to you, you will have a solid foundation and you will be productive and do things that are worthwhile for others."

3. Be loyal. Elder Scott said that individuals must be loyal to the BYU campus, parents, loved ones and above all, the Savior. "Success comes when your actions are consistent with the teachings of the Lord," he said. "When you seek work find someone who challenges you, who raises you to higher levels of performance.

4. Live so that the Lord can guide you to where He wants you to serve. "Let the Lord guide you," he said. "He can do that if you live His commandments worthily and strive in every way to be obedient to His teachings."

5. Serve others. "Sharing what you know with others will bring you happiness and bless their lives."

6. Smile. "You will soon learn that everybody has problems and nobody wants to hear about yours," he said. "When you put those things aside and smile, have a good sense of humor as the prophets do. . . . A sense of humor helps you greatly."

7. Don't complain. "Life isn't always fair. That's a fact. But it's always charged with marvelous opportunities if you know how to find them."

8. Always have a church assignment. "Wherever you go in the world, wherever the Lord takes you, always offer your service to the presiding authority. Leave it to that authority to decide where and how. Be connected with the things of God and the ways to serve Him."

9. Go to the temple. "Carry a current temple recommend. . . . It will keep you spiritually in tune, will allow you to remember the most important things of life and encourage you to give great service to others."

10. Use the Savior, Jesus Christ as your example for life. "Use His teachings as your handbook for life. Never make exceptions to them. "

As individuals follow these suggestions, they strengthen their foundation of faith and are more able to lead others to do the same.

"Come to know of the great influence for good that flows from individual acts born of conscience and principle rooted in truth," he said. "Resolve that each moment of your life will reflect your determination to humbly be an example of righteousness, integrity and conviction."

Elder Cecil O. Samuelson, BYU President and member of the Seventy, spoke to graduates about the aims of a BYU education, and the important role it plays in becoming spiritually strengthened, enlarging their intellect and building one's character.

"More than ever, you will be your own teacher and will create your own tests and quizzes," Elder Samuelson said. "Some of what you learned at BYU will be timeless, but other specifics, facts or approaches . . . will change over time and you must be able to keep up ... As your lives become even more demanding and complicated, your integrity and honor will come under ever-increasing attacks. Thus, you must continue to build and strengthen your character upon the already firm foundation of honesty, dependability and reliability."

Other speakers included Chris Feinauer, BYU Alumni Association president, and graduate Paige Crosland Anderson. College convocations were scheduled to be held Friday in various locations on the BYU campus.

Crazy Dream

2011-04-20T12:03:00.002-06:00

Last night in my dream, I gave birth to one baby girl, then another, then two baby boys. I had a set of girl twins and set of boy twins all at once. And I was trying to nurse all 4 of them (in order) and get them all to sleep. Raimo had named them since I was so busy giving birth to all of them, and I liked a couple of the names, but a few I wanted to change. I had to tell them apart by their wristbands. The setting was our current apartment, and I had to line all the babies up on our bed to sleep. Just feeding them was taking all my time! And a bunch of random extended family was at our apartment just kind of hanging around. When I woke up I almost felt sad that the other 3 babies don't exist. Then I remembered I don't want quadruplets!!!!!!

I love cake

2011-04-13T14:23:00.002-06:00

That is, this petunia pickle bottom diaper bag---it's called Berry Chiffon Cake. What a name.
Why do I have to like expensive things? 300$... really. For a diaper bag. I like it because it looks like a purse. And it's pretty!

Why can't I like a cute 30 $ bag? If I want a diaper bag that looks like a purse, I should probably just look through my closet and find one that can double as diaper bag. But I wuv it!

Their company makes a lot of cute ones. I really like the colors on this one:

Still haven't really bought any baby stuff besides clothes, but I am getting geared up. I think this baby bedding is so pretty:I was thinking of just sewing some bedding, but this would be a lot easier!

So this is what I do at work. Fun stuff!

I started sewing a baby dress a couple weeks ago. The cut pieces have been sitting on the kitchen counter ever since. Maybe today I will get started.

26 weeks

2011-04-10T19:57:00.004-06:00

That last one gives you a better idea of just how big I am

26 Weeks already?

2011-04-07T09:59:00.004-06:00

It's amazing how these weekly updates are so on the spot. Yesterday I had my first bit of lower back pain--by the evening it was really bugging me. I think I need to get up and walk around more at work. She is now the size of an English cucumber, about 14 inches head to heel. That seems so big!

How your baby's growing:

The network of nerves in your baby's ears is better developed and more sensitive than before. He may now be able to hear both your voice and your partner's as you chat with each other. He's inhaling and exhaling small amounts of amniotic fluid, which is essential for the development of his lungs. These so-called breathing movements are also good practice for when he's born and takes that first gulp of air. And he's continuing to put on baby fat. He now weighs about a pound and two-thirds and measures 14 inches (an English hothouse cucumber) from head to heel. If you're having a boy, his testicles are beginning to descend into his scrotum — a trip that will take about two to three days.

See what your baby looks like this week.

Note: Every baby develops a little differently — even in the womb. Our information is designed to give you a general idea of your baby's development.

How your life's changing:

Are you rushing around trying to get to childbirth classes and prepare your baby's room while still taking care of all your other daily tasks? Make sure that you also continue to eat well and get plenty of rest. Around this time, your blood pressure may be increasing slightly, although it's probably still lower than it was before you got pregnant. (Typically, blood pressure falls toward the end of the first trimester, and it tends to reach a low at about 22 to 24 weeks.)

Preeclampsia — a serious disorder characterized by high blood pressure and protein in your urine — most often shows up after 37 weeks, but it can happen earlier so it's important to be aware of the warning signs of this condition. Call your caregiver if you have swelling in your face or puffiness around your eyes, more than slight swelling of your hands, excessive or sudden swelling of your feet or ankles, or rapid weight gain (more than 4 pounds in a week). With more severe preeclampsia, you may experience other symptoms. Let your caregiver know immediately if you have a severe or persistent headache, vision changes (including double or blurred vision, seeing spots or flashing lights, sensitivity to light, or temporary loss of vision), intense pain or tenderness in your upper abdomen, or vomiting.

If your lower back seems a little achy lately, you can thank both your growing uterus — which shifts your center of gravity, stretches out and weakens your abdominal muscles, and may be pressing on a nerve — as well as hormonal changes that loosen your joints and ligaments. Plus, the extra weight you're carrying means more work for your muscles and increased stress on your joints, which is why you may feel worse at the end of the day. Walking, standing, or sitting for long periods, as well as bending and lifting can all put a strain on your back. A warm bath or hot compress might bring relief. (Some women, though, find cool compresses more comforting.) Try to maintain good posture during the day, avoid activities that require bending and twisting at the same time, take frequent breaks when sitting or standing, and sleep on your side with one or both knees bent with a pillow between your legs, using another pillow (or wedge) to support your abdomen.

Work is really not fun these days, but I just try to think of that paycheck and what it will buy us. I'm starting to feel really drained again--they say the second trimester is the easiest. But I am already heading into the third trimester in two weeks! I hope it goes ok. I'm starting to feel a little nervous knowing that pregnancy is coming to an end and a baby is just a few months away. I'm not ready! I thought I was going to have so much time, but it is really flying by!!!

My Eyes

2011-04-05T12:14:00.002-06:00

I'm looking forward to my eye appointment today! New contacts for me, after 3 years! Before I got married my eye doctor was nice enough to give me a prescription for 2 years so I could still get some refills. Somehow I managed to make those contacts last me this long... but I really can't go too much longer. I dropped my last right eye contact down the sink, so I am using a weaker prescription contact I hadn't opened from a few years ago. So I am seriously uneven. Sometimes I have to shut one eye to see things. I'm going to the Walmart vision center today and I couldn't be more glad! And Raimo is getting a hair cut. I want one too, but I'm thinking the eye thing is definitely more important and since my hair cut is less of a cut and more of a weave and deep condition, I'm thinking I should wait for the next paycheck. Yeah... probably. Speaking of which, my hair is super long. Long hair and big belly. Belly that seems to always be moving. What on earth is she doing in there? That's the latest.

101 Days Left

2011-04-04T10:56:00.005-06:00

Baby is coming in 101 days. That hardly seems real. It's going by so fast! That's definitely a good thing. I can't wait to buy her some things for her future room! Speaking of buying, since I started my job at Finicity I started using their online budgeting program. It has really made a difference in how we manage our finances. I immediately realized we could cut back a lot of spending in eating out. It's amazing how much we don't spend in that department now. We also cut back in our fun activities and other spending. It isn't particularly fun, but I am learning to have a lot more self control, and we are slowly but surely paying off some debts and working on our savings. We used to just divide up the money we got at each paycheck and I thought that was a fine way to budget, but we are able to really plan ahead now and never ever resort to credit cards. We are able to set aside money for our bills a month in advance, which is making me feel really in control of our finances. I finally cut up my Wells Fargo credit card and paid the whole thing off. It feels really good, especially since that one charged a lot in interest. We also paid off my Macy's card and have almost paid off our short term loan for tuition this semester. We will still have 2 more credit cards, one student loan, and our car loan, but I feel like we've gotten a really good start. We are focusing on putting extra on our next credit card, and I know we'll actually be able to pay it off soon with the cheap life we're living. I don't like working, but it sure does feel good to be getting on top of things. Finally! Our next top expense is gas, which is hard to help since we both drive a lot. We have put 20,000 miles on our car that we just bought in September! That will slow down once I stop working, but we are being more aware of the gas we use now. We are learning to make every single dollar count.

I like the advice we heard recently, though I can't remember where, that a person is not rich based on how much he or she spends, but on how much he or she saves. It doesn't really matter how much you make, but what you do with that money. There is really this idea that people who are rich are people that spend money, and a lot of people who have millions (or even those who have very little for that matter) end up spending more than they make. But anyone can be rich if you know how to save. So. We are going to give it a try. But first we're going to pay off these debts!

Hey all you recent moms

2011-03-23T17:31:00.002-06:00

I want to know what your favorite baby items were. Do you love your moby wrap? Do you even use that baby bouncer thing? Was your expensive stroller a waste of money? Give me the deets (and the brands)--I am totally clueless. What are your favorite things?!

Thoughts

2011-03-22T09:25:00.002-06:00

I copied this off a blog I read. I really like each of them--I feel like they apply to my place in life right now: (I added the pictures)

“The work will wait while you show the child the rainbow, but the rainbow won’t wait while you finish the work.” – Pat Clifford

“If you can spend a perfectly useless afternoon in a perfectly useless manner, you have learned how to live” – Lin Yutang

“I think the most significant work we ever do, in the whole world, in our whole life, is done within the four walls of our own home.” – Stephen R. Covey

“It is a great art to saunter.” – Henry David Thoreau

“I haven’t a clue how my story will end, but that’s all right. When you set out on a journey and night covers the road, that’s when you discover the stars.” -Nancy Willard

It is a nice reminder to slow down. I feel like I choose to spend a lot of time sprinting, but this year has really slowed down and I know July and some of the following months will feel very slow after all this busyness. But it is going to be a nice change to saunter. And the last quote is my favorite--I do feel like I'm totally in the dark, but I'm hoping to find something wonderful.

Last week

2011-03-14T16:29:00.002-06:00

Last week was a nostalgic one for me and Raimo. On Tuesday we went to the BYU Singers' pre-tour concert. It was seriously amazing and I may have shed a tear or two. I was jealous of all those girls and the great experiences they have every day. They get to do a tour this year and have such a great repertoire. I just realized I will probably never be part of anything like that again. We also went to BYU's National Dancesport on Friday and Saturday nights. It was sad not having any part in the competitions. I enjoyed watching some great dancing and leaning over to talk about all the dancing and costumes with Raimo--he is so fun to go to dance stuff with. We missed being part of the big weekend, Raimo even more than me. I felt a little sorry for myself having a big belly and not having a fit body that can do things like dance. But those feelings come and go... I am still so glad to be in this stage of life now. I am excited to be moving on from the college lifestyle--I have been living it for 6 years now and it has really lost its luster. I am excited to start some wonderful new things this summer and start our family. Only 122 more days! That's 18 weeks or 4.5 months! She is going to be so cute!

Ward Choir

2011-03-08T12:25:00.002-07:00

So in January of 2010 our ward boundaries changed and Raimo and I were moved to the BYU 109th ward. I have enjoyed it very much and feel like we have gotten to know so many people. There are still a lot of people I don't talk to frequently, but at this point I feel like there are many familiar faces at church and we at least know each others' names and visit from time to time. When we moved into the ward our bishop called me to be ward choir director. I was really excited to get a music calling, but I was also really nervous to be the one directing instead of singing or playing the piano. For the first 6 months or so I honestly dreaded that 1 o'clock hour on Sundays--I was nervous that no one would show up, that I wouldn't do a good job, that people would think the choir was just mediocre. I would voice all my fears to Raimo all Sunday morning--I had some major insecurities! But we kept having practice, thanks to some really wonderful people who were my faithful members. Finally, after 15 months of this calling, I have become so much more comfortable conducting and leading practice. I am still just making it up as I go (ha!) But I have really learned what it means to be "magnified in your calling." I am magnified by the pianists and singers who come to practice and who have listened to me mess up and been patient with me as I try to explain what I want them to do. They are the ones who really make everything possible. With their help, I am so much more comfortable (and I think better than before) leading them. Now I really look forward to that hour each week, and I always wish we had more time! I am really lucky to have a ward full of musical talent, and I am always so proud of their beautiful performances! I loved every second of our Christmas program--it turned out so great with only a month of practice! I have really missed being in Singers this year, but ward choir has filled that space a little bit. I never thought I would feel that way about ward choir! I am really excited about our Easter music--it's going to sound awesome!

21 Weeks and growing like a weed (or a carrot?)

2011-03-03T11:12:00.004-07:00

We had an ultrasound on Tuesday morning! They are so much fun--I was looking forward to it all month. They took a real good look at our baby and we could look at the parts of her brain, stomach, kidneys, spine, and legs. She was looking really long and skinny--the technician says she will definitely fill out more. Raimo says it's because she has dancers legs... hey we can hope. But chances are she will be a shorty like us. We couldn't get a good look at her heart or face because she was face-down, and for the first time was totally unwilling to move. I said how weird that is because I feel her move all the time these days, and she is always kicking. Our technician was surprised Raimo has felt her kick already since it's still pretty early, but actually a few people have been able to feel her move over the last few weeks.

Speaking of kicks, funny story. I was watching dance videos online later that day with the laptop on my legs for about an hour. Baby started kicking and moving around a TON during this, and was kicking for probably 20 minutes or so. Either she wanted me to turn down that music, or she was really feeling the beat.

So anyway, they measured her skull and all different parts and everything seems to be looking on track. Also, she is 15 ounces, so just about a pound! She is sure growing fast, and I guess we were not at all set back by the two week due date move-up. I am 21 weeks today:

How your baby's growing:

Your baby now weighs about three-quarters of a pound and is approximately 10 1/2 inches long — the length of a carrot. You may soon feel like she's practicing martial arts as her initial fluttering movements turn into full-fledged kicks and nudges. You may also discover a pattern to her activity as you get to know her better. In other developments, your baby's eyebrows and lids are present now.

I love my little kicking carrot.

The three of us

2011-02-27T14:18:00.004-07:00

went on a date

to Los Hermanos.

I wore maternity pants.

20 Weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-02-24T13:42:00.002-07:00

I have hit the halfway mark today! I can't believe how long she is now (according to this website). I don't think she is quite 10 inches, but hey what do I know?

How your baby's growing:

Your baby weighs about 10 1/2 ounces now. He's also around 6 1/2 inches long from head to bottom and about 10 inches from head to heel — the length of a banana. (For the first 20 weeks, when a baby's legs are curled up against his torso and hard to measure, measurements are taken from the top of his head to his bottom — the "crown to rump" measurement. After 20 weeks, he's measured from head to toe.)

He's swallowing more these days, which is good practice for his digestive system. He's also producing meconium, a black, sticky by-product of digestion. This gooey substance will accumulate in his bowels, and you'll see it in his first soiled diaper (some babies pass meconium in the womb or during delivery).

See what your baby looks like this week.

Note: Every baby develops a little differently — even in the womb. Our information is designed to give you a general idea of your baby's development.

How your life's changing:

Congratulations! You've hit the halfway mark in your pregnancy. The top of your uterus is about level with your belly button, and you've likely gained around 10 pounds. Expect to gain another pound or so each week from now on. (If you started your pregnancy underweight, you may need to gain a bit more; if you were overweight, perhaps a bit less.) Make sure you're getting enough iron, a mineral that's used primarily to make hemoglobin (the part of your red blood cells that carries oxygen). During pregnancy, your body needs more iron to keep up with your expanding blood volume, as well as for your growing baby and the placenta. Red meat is one of the best sources of iron for pregnant women. Poultry (especially the dark meat) and shellfish also contain iron. Some common non-meat sources of iron include legumes, soy-based products, spinach, prune juice, raisins, and iron-fortified cereals.

It's interesting that I have only been interested in red meat--I'm turned off by chicken and white meats. No weird cravings--just crave the usual foods as always. I would love some chocolate ice cream with reeses cup right now. For the most part I have been eating pretty healthy food, mostly because I have been buying groceries more often to save money. We hardly eat out, which I miss! Now for the gaining a pound a week--yikes. I still have 20 more weeks! How is that going to work out? A 20 lb baby?

I can't wait to hold her!

In the last two weeks,

2011-02-23T09:16:00.004-07:00

pregnancy has started to feel really different. I still go to bed early and get pretty tired, but have more energy and feel more like myself. I other news, I have started wearing some of my maternity clothes. The baby seems to be growing at full speed. I have felt a lot of movement in the last few weeks, and love feeling her little kicks. She seems to want more space. She is, after all, the size of a large heirloom tomato. I am excited for my next appointment coming up. It is requiring a lot of patience not knowing where this baby will be born and where she will live. I want to start working on a baby room, but we will just have to take this semester one week at a time. Raimo is really swamped, so I am just trying to be the most positive pregnant lady. Hopefully by April we will have some options. I am so excited for him to be done with school!

He is mine

2011-02-15T09:11:00.006-07:00

Last night as we were putting a frozen pizza in the oven, Raimo and I realized this is our 5th Valentine's Day together. We have been together for a long time! 5 years ago was our first kiss, and 3 years ago we got engaged, so it is a pretty special holiday for us. We both had to agree last night that this was our worst Valentine's so far!!! haha we laughed as we said it because it was still a nice night, but the previous years were pretty spectacular. This year we chose to buy a Valentine laptop instead of going out to eat and doing gifts. It was a pretty expensive gift, but one we have needed for a while! So last night we just had pizza and watched some tv together and just said some I love you's, and as usual I fell asleep on the couch at 9:15 PM. What a party. Honestly though, Valentine's should always fall over a weekend--it is so much better than a Monday night. Still, we had fun and I love love love my hubby. Here are the only recent pictures of us. I was one month pregnant and was starting to figure that out that weekend.
Love him

It is a little scary...

2011-02-09T08:20:00.004-07:00

just how fast my belly is growing. There seemed to be absolutely no change for the first 14 weeks. Then I had a small doughnut below my belly button. Then I hit week 17, and suddenly I am growing every single day. It's still not very obvious to other people because I don't wear any of my small clothes (they definitely don't look good--just make me look like I ate a small animal whole). Thankfully my wardrobe is pretty flexible with some bigger shirts. But Raimo and I just look at my belly when I'm getting dressed, and we're thinking "what's going on in there?!" I have a firm, low pooch right between the hip bones. Yikes! I pretty much leave my jeans unbuttoned all day. It is all happening so fast! I will have to upload some photos if we ever get a new computer.

I am dying over..

2011-02-07T09:56:00.002-07:00

baby clothes. They are so unbelievably adorable, and I made the mistake of looking at baby gap online. So many cute things!!!! Floral rompers, ruffle dresses and skirts, leggings, ballet flats! Also I got a catalog in the mail for Macy's one day sale this week. Also have a little money left on a gift card at Nordstrom. Must. Be. Strong.

My New Job

2011-01-28T08:08:00.003-07:00

I have a new job with a debt assistance company. We get lists of people who have shown interest through the internet, and I call them and ask if they'd like me to set up an appointment for them. I talk to people all day who have tons of debt and are experiencing the strain it puts on your life. Some of them think they don't need our help, some are very grateful that we're calling. Some have so much debt, they won't be able to pay it off in their lifetime. Many of our leads are through a Christian website, so I speak to a lot of really nice people. The say "God bless" on their answering machines, and they are so polite on the phone. They are a great example of loving your neighbor, even loving someone on the phone that they've never met . It is pretty typical for Americans to be suspicious of a strange person who calls them on the phone, so much that they'll let the machine get it. But not some of these people.

I spoke with a man today named Russ who was all politeness, and an example to me of real Christianity. He was interested in an appointment, but we weren't able to make one because he currently has no internet. He said he'd like to call me later though. He said he is very blessed to have no debt! but he would like to improve in the area of managing money. He would like to make sure that he is using the money God blessed him with in the best way--the way that pleases Him. What a guy! Sometimes I come across people who have miraculously paid off their mortgages and credit cards and have minimal debt, but he has absolutely none. And not only that, he considers his money God's money and wants to spend it well because of it. What a grateful man. It made me realize that I consider the money I make my money because I feel I have earned it, and should be able to spend it how I please. If I had an attitude like him, I might eventually be blessed enough to have no debt. Living entirely for God and not for myself might actually give me more freedom in my finances than hardship. Sounds difficult, but maybe not....

16 Weeks

2011-01-27T08:55:00.002-07:00

I cannot believe I am 4 months today! I hardly feel pregnant sometimes, and I don't have much of a baby bump. The fatigue is still there to remind me, though. And I still eat all the time. I find out the gender soon, and I think it will help me connect with the baby a little more knowing if it's a he or a she. I am so excited for that moment (and to not have to call the baby 'it')! Here are the stats I got this week:

How your baby's growing:

Get ready for a growth spurt. In the next few weeks, your baby will double his weight and add inches to his length. Right now, he's about the size of an avocado: 4 1/2 inches long (head to rump) and 3 1/2 ounces. His legs are much more developed, his head is more erect than it has been, and his eyes have moved closer to the front of his head. His ears are close to their final position, too. The patterning of his scalp has begun, though his locks aren't recognizable yet. He's even started growing toenails. And there's a lot happening inside as well. For example, his heart is now pumping about 25 quarts of blood each day, and this amount will continue to increase as your baby continues to develop.

Ok now I am craving avocado. With tomato on a really good sandwich. Really, I don't think my baby is that big. Maybe that long, but an avocado is just so round. At my first appointment, the doctor actually moved up my due date because baby was bigger than normal for 8 weeks (it was a whole inch long, and one ounce I think) and therefore further along. So he bumped me to 10 weeks and moved my date from July 20 to July 14. I am curious to see if my baby is still growing fast, or if that 2 week bump has put it behind at all. Who knows. I just hope it comes sooner than later because I am really just excited to hold it.

P.S. No one at work knows I am pregnant. It is fun still having a secret, but then again I want to tell everyone so I can talk about it!

P.P.S. I am so excited! I think about it all the time!

Musicals and Oldies

2011-01-26T08:36:00.004-07:00

So I watched South Pacific for the first time last night! I loved it. There were some songs I recognized that I didn't know would be in it. Some Enchanted Evening was soo romantic. I didn't even mind the soft focus and the fake coloring--it was awesome! I loved it. Baby loved it too, I'm sure.

Another thought--I was listening to the oldies radio on my commute home, and they played When the Lights Go Down by Journey. Really--when did 80s and 70s music become oldies? When I was little they played 50s and 60s on the oldies station. It made me feel like an oldie.

2011-01-15T23:46:00.003-07:00

Another week has come and gone, in the door sales world. It was an extremely cold week out knocking doors, I got a lot of people that said no right off the bat, but even with that, there were quite a few that said yes. In fact I was called back by one guy today, who when I knocked his door, gave me that look that says, I don't have time to talk, besides its freezing, He had only cracked the door open a pinch. I mentioned why the services we offer are great benefit for him, got him laughing, by giving him a business card of mine, and he told me he'd look into it, along with telling me to get out of the cold. it was somewhere in the teens. One of the days it snowed on me ... again while out knocking. I think the best was a super nice family shared with me their dinner. We had KFC, and they signed up. Despite the mean people, there are some truly amazing people out in our communities.
I think alot people think that doing door sales the hardest part would be just being able to talk with people. Which don't get me wrong can be difficult from time to time. Or people ask me if the weather is the most difficult part of this job. Its not that bad when you prepare for the weather, or if you realize that you're going to talk to as many people as possible so be happy to meet someone, who knows, you might meet someone cool. Sometimes its not the actual work of it that is hard. but rather the time spent in doing the work, or the business side of the job is taxing. All in All I've had a great experience with it, and will say, yes I hope the weather warms up a bit. That would be nice, but if not, I'm still out there, meeting some of your neighbors, and getting a feel for what each neighborhood is like.
O funny story, I sent an online order form to a potential customer, only to realize I had sent the email with all the instructions to fill out the form and everything without attaching the PDF online form. So I felt pretty bad, so I took off and personally showed up to fill out a paper form. The Customer recognized my last name and asked if I knew a Jessica, who did ballroom. It turned out the customer had been in some of Jessica's classes in college and were friends a little bit. Kinda a funny moment. Kind of like when I knocked and installed a tv set top box for one Jess's cousins. Yeah those weird moments are pretty cool .

So far, my baby has..

2011-01-12T10:54:00.002-07:00

-traveled to Seattle, Salt Lake, Las Vegas, and Riverside
-eaten a lot of In n' Out burgers and a lot of pizza and many oranges
-grown fingers and toes and all major organs
-been to its first Mormon Tabernacle Choir concert
-spent over 300 hours at the University Mall
-attended its first ballroom competition (where mom couldn't figure out why dancing was so exhausting)
-been in the Timpanogos Temple
-gotten its first package in the mail
-gone knocking doors with dad
-listened to a lot of Gloria Estefan and Mariah Carey

More on women

2011-01-09T13:53:00.000-07:00

To back up my last post, some great images:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_FpyGwP3yzE

Our Perception of Beauty

2011-01-07T13:28:00.002-07:00

This is a topic about which I feel very strongly. It’s a message that I wish could be explained to every young girl and teen (and their mothers, who might need to hear it even more).

“They’re sad facts that many of us know: You will never see an average American woman represented in the mass media as a ‘beauty ideal.’ And it is completely reasonable to assume that every image of women you see in the media has been digitally manipulated. So why is that where we get our standard for what is normal and beautiful?”

This quote comes from an article I read called “Beauty Redefined” in the recent edition of LDS Living. I was so glad that someone finally addressed this topic in such a direct way because it is affecting every single woman in America. We sometimes hear the phrase: “Beauty is not on the outside but on the inside” which is a true statement, but not strong enough to convince women who are spoon-fed a completely opposite, man-made concept of what real beauty is. The problem is that we live “in a world where there is a constant flow of media images that far exceeds the number of women we could ever see face to face, creating for us an abnormally thin and digitally enhanced feminine ideal. A counterfeit, dangerous, unattainable norm.” Not only is this the ideal, but it is portrayed as normal and healthy!

You would think we would be able to distinguish the truth from the lies in media. However, women have succumbed to this “narrow” image of woman, affecting their self-esteem, creating a preoccupation with their appearance, influencing them to fall upon eating disorders, and giving them an overall sense of self-loathing. The article included some interesting studies, stating that more than half of adult women claim their bodies “disgust them” and 90 percent of women are dissatisfied with their appearance. Those numbers are astounding, but when I think about some of the women that I know and the things they say about their bodies, those figures seem pretty realistic.

I had to come to terms with my own “disgust” that was taught to me by media. I’ve always been pretty thin and quite confident about myself, but that in no way excluded me from feeling like my body could improve. I remember being very conscious of my weight when I was in middle school. I was pretty proud of my 78 pounds, but sure enough that number went up as I got taller and as my woman curves started to come in. I remember feeling dismayed in my sophomore year of high school when I weighed 113. At 5’ 1’’ I thought that was a little too much. I missed my thin, muscle-and-bone body from a few years before. Putting that down on paper now makes me feel ridiculous. But the fact that I can still remember those numbers just shows how much my perception of beauty was skewed, and it makes me feel happy to have finally gotten to a point where I no longer measure beauty by a dumb scale of weight. I continued to worry about weight, and it kept going up in high school. What I did not realize was I was just not done growing and filling out. It was not something I talked about with anyone, but I know I thought about it often and took my appearance and weight into consideration when I ate and when I bought clothes and makeup. There were times when I thought maybe I should just be anorexic for just a couple of days just to drop a couple of pounds. Fortunately for me, I did not have the self-control for that and I was totally unsuccessful—went on eating as usual. But the strange thing is I was a confident person. I knew I had worth, I didn’t feel particularly unattractive, I wasn’t depressed. But I was still affected by this unrealistic perception of beauty.

Unlike me, there are girls and women out there who have a tremendous amount of self-control and will do just about anything to make them feel good about themselves, dieting and starving to be thin. Another study pointed out that half of all 9- to 12-year-old girls wish they were thinner, and 35 percent of 6-to12-year-old girls have been on at least one diet. This might seem like a shockingly young age group, but the fact is that much of this awareness of weight stems from little girls’ mothers. Mothers go on diets, they talk about how fat they are, they talk about how they despise aspects of their bodies. It is having a very negative impact on little girls, and it is only enforcing even more strongly what little girls see on tv, on billboards, in Barbies, in magazines, etc. It is so important not only to say positive things about a child’s body, but to also say positive things about your own body.

One other interesting thing is that SLC has been ranked “Vainest City in the Nation” in 2007, 2008, and in the top 5 in 2009 because of the amount of botox, plastic surgery, and beauty products sold there. LDS women especially feel like they need to be the perfect mom, the perfect cook and homemaker, the perfect role model of excellence. Why shouldn’t this carry over into the area of perfect body?

I’m pretty sure every single woman struggles with her body image, no matter where she is on the scale of American’s standard of beauty. The plan for the media money-makers is to convince viewers that female worth is dependent upon appearance. We have to first recognize that we women are in a battle before we can start to defend ourselves from their lies: that beauty comes in one form, that it is attainable with enough money, time, and effort (whether in the gym, the mall, or on the operating table), and that women who don’t fit the ideal are doomed to be undesirable, unhappy, and unsuccessful.

I don’t want friends and family to read this and feel bad for me because I used to have a bad body-image. I really do feel good about myself and I do not have any health or eating issues—I weigh much more than I did in high school, so nobody freak out! But I am trying to address this very specific issue of how women feel about their bodies and be honest about how it has affected me, and I hope it gets some people thinking. Some women keep their feelings of inadequacy very deep inside, and some women talk about their disgust with certain parts of themselves freely. I just want to point out that there is another option: to redefine what beauty is entirely. I don’t mean that we should fall back to the cliche that beauty is not on the outside…. but that we should actually redefine physical beauty. I think all women should feel good about their outer and inner selves.

I want to talk about one more good example of our disillusioned thinking. Marilyn Monroe was the icon of the 50s at 5 feet 5 inches and 140 pounds. Her figure represents a healthy Body Mass Index (BMI) of 23.1. In contrast, the sexiest woman alive today, ranked by men and women alike, is Angelina Jolie, at 5 feet 7 inches and close to 100 pounds, representing a 15.7 BMI. An 18.5 BMI and below is considered underweight. The standards that media (and that we ourselves) have set is to be underweight and unhealthy. We fool ourselves into thinking that thin is healthy, but we have pushed that standard to such an extreme that it is unattainable. Even other movie stars who are not as abnormally thin as Angelina still fall under the 18.5 BMI including Victoria Beckham and Jennifer Aniston and hundreds of others.

Our dissatisfaction with ourselves does not just come in the form of weight. Women feel inferior because of an endless list of things! Wrinkles, the shape of specific parts of their body from calves to fingers and toes to noses to ears, the length or color or thickness of their hair, their teeth, their smile lines, the bags under their eyes, their muscle or lack of it, their foot size, the shape of their face, the plumpness of their lips, their nails, the shade of their skin. There are endless ways to be nit-picky about your own body because no one knows it better than you. There are also many ways to counter this way of thinking:

1) When considering your health and weight-loss goals, base them on concrete measures of fitness and wellness, not on a desire to look a certain way or to fit into a certain size or to hit a number on a scale.

2) Consider the women presented in media and ask yourself if they are good role models, if their value is based on talents and personality, or if their worth is based solely on physical beauty.

3) Another important thing to do is to speak highly of your body and to teach children to do the same. Your daughters and family members will learn from you. Self-image can also be just as challenging for men and boys, just with different standards and expectations, so encouraging them is important too.

4) You can also remember that the image of beauty in media is strictly there for money-making purposes. If they can convince you that you are not the ideal beauty, they can convince you that you need their product.

5) Another thing you can do is to encourage other women and help them see their own real beauty. I like to think about how mankind’s perception of beauty has changed over the centuries and across the world. It has changed so many times! It is a concept that we create, it is not a rule that we abide by.

6) The magazine article encourages women to forget about expensive makeup and diet pills—the best way to improve your appearance is to have a little more light in your countenance! Service in any capacity fills us with love and light that radiate from within and draw people near. Sounds cheesy, but it’s really true. The happiest, most beautiful women are the ones who are always thinking of others. It really does enhance even their physical appearance and they are beautiful to all who know them.

I think this topic is not addressed often enough and not in enough detail. There is so much more to a woman that her hair, her cup size, her eye color, her pant size. And it is not just about looking past physical appearance, but learning to love our bodies as they are and rejecting the stereotypes that media want us to believe in.

Strange Dream

2011-01-06T14:59:00.003-07:00

For someone who rarely remembers her dreams, it was pretty strange for me to wake up mid-dream this morning and to recall every detail of my dream last night. I had just finished a choir concert and was with Raimo heading home (on foot). It seemed totally real in my dream--the fact that I had just sung in a concert even though I am now graduated. We ran into Uncle Alan and Grandpa Eldridge, both wearing long wool pea coats. It seemed totally natural. Uncle Alan said, "Oh, I forgot you were singing up there tonight too," which meant they had gone to hear Berit sing. Grandpa Eldridge said nothing, but he smiled at me, and I felt reassured that he had been watching me. Then we were at my apartment, which looked nothing like our actual apartment. I offered Grandpa some grape juice, and he went to the cupboard and pulled out a container of fig newtons, which he opened and began to eat. He walked into the kitchen toward the sink as I tasted one of the fig newtons, which to my horror had an unusually hot and spicy filling. Grandpa discreetly threw his in the trash and took a sip of grape juice as I spit out my own nasty cookie. Shortly after, I turned around and Grandpa was walking out the door into the cold night. He didn't say goodbye, and I couldn't catch up with him. And he never said a word throughout the whole dream. When I woke up, it took a moment to realize he is not actually alive anymore. So, dream interpreters, what is the meaning of this?

Birthdays are fun

2011-01-04T12:45:00.004-07:00

I had a great day yesterday. The nicest thing about birthdays is you get to choose everything and do whatever you want since it is your day. Or maybe my husband is just really nice to me:) Yesterday I wanted to use a Bath and Body gift card I got for Christmas. I got body wash, which I always run out of quickly, and hand soap because we haven't had any in a loong time. It's exciting to have awesome hand soap that smells like apple and foams up for you. Then my baby was feeling like a snack so I said I wanted a parmesan pretzel, so we got pretzels. Meanwhile, I was getting lots of phone calls from friends and family throughout the day, which is fun, especially when they sing to you over the phone. Then we went to see The Tourist at the movies. It was a fun movie and the scenery and costumes were so beautiful! Then I wanted to go to Olive Garden. So we did. And had their awesome salad and my favorite meal there: Seafood Alfredo. And I ate half of it so I could get my favorite dessert that I first tried in Italy and loved: tiramisu. I rarely get to eat it, so I savored every creamy bite. It was a very Italian day with that movie and food. Awesome. Then we rented Knight and Day, which made us laugh a lot. I thought it was great. During that, Parker, who I haven't seen in months, stopped by and gave me some pink birthday flowers, which is my favorite color. He is so excited for us about the baby. We visited for a while, watched the end of the movie, then he took off and we went to bed. And... I got the best night's sleep. Lately I have been waking up a lot during the night, but today I was able to sleep in and it felt awesome. It was unusual that BYU didn't start school yesterday. Very often my birthday falls on the first day of school-ew- but he didn't start till today. So yay--I had a fun day. I got some great gifts from my grandma and Raimo's family, and my parents' gift is on hold till I think of something I want because I can never think of anything I want so soon after Christmas. And the best thing is, Raimo and I celebrate birthday month. So pretty much it is my month and there is plenty of time to do fun things all month. Today I am getting my hair highlighted and cut. I haven't had it done since August!!! My hair is reaalllly long and really grown out on top. I love getting my hair done! Well, my baby is hungry again so I am going to eat that second half of pasta. Yay!

Oh, and this is the picture Raimo took of me when I found out I really was pregnant. It is not that great of a picture, but he pretty much captured it.

Keeping Christmas

2010-12-19T15:45:00.002-07:00

Romans 14:6: He that regardeth the day, regardeth it unto the Lord.

It is a good thing to observe Christmas day. The mere marking of times and seasons, when men agree to stop work and make merry together, is a wise and wholesome custom. It helps one to feel the supremacy of the common life over the individual life. It reminds a man to set his own little watch, now and then, by the great clock of humanity which runs on sun time.

But there is a better thing than the observance of Christmas day, and that is, keeping Christmas.

Are you willing to forget what you have done for other people, and to remember what other people have done for you; to ignore what the world owes you, and to think what you owe the world; to put your rights in the background, and your duties in the middle distance, and your chances to do a little more than your duty in the foreground; to see that your fellow-men are just as real as you are, and try to look beyond their faces to their hearts, hungry for joy; to own that probably the only good reason for your existence is not what you are going to get out of life, but what you are going to give to life; to close your book of complaints against the management of the universe, and look around you for a place where you can sow a few seeds of happiness-- are you willing to do these things even for a day? Then you can keep Christmas.

Are you willing to stoop down and consider the needs and the desires of little children; to remember the weakness and loneliness of people who are growing old; to stop asking how much your friends love you, and ask yourself whether you love them enough; to bear in mind the things other people have to bear on their hearts; to try to understand what those who live in the same house with you really want, without waiting for them to tell you; to trip your lamp so that it will give more light and less smoke, and to carry it in front so that your shadow will fall behind you; to make a grave for your ugly thoughts, and a garden for your kindly feelings, with the gate open-- are you willing to do these things even for a day? Then you can keep Christmas.

Are you willing to believe that love is the strongest thing in the world-- stronger than hate, stronger than evil, stronger than death-- and that the blessed life which began in Bethlehem nineteen hundred years ago is the image and brightness of the Eternal Love? Then you can keep Christmas.

And if you keep it for a day, why not always?

But you can never keep it alone.

--Henry Van Dyke

Grandpa Green

2010-12-14T11:22:00.003-07:00

My Grandpa has been gone for quite a few years now. I remember the last time I saw him--Grandma and Grandpa were leaving our house and we were outside saying goodbye, and for some reason I had the thought that it might be the last time I would see them. I brushed that thought aside, though I cried a little when they drove away, and shortly after I headed back up to school. I was on campus when I got a call from my mom saying that Grandpa had been very sick and was probably not going to make it. I sat down on a bench and cried--some kind student asked me if I needed some help, but I said no. It was very sad for our family to lose him--he was a wonderful grandpa and leader of my mom's family. And since we always lived close to my grandparents (I even lived with them for the first three years of my life), he was such a big part of my life growing up.

Often I remember something about him or I hear something that reminds me of him. He had his own dialect, unique probably to Idahoans and Utahns of his era, and sometimes I hear older people who talk like him. "Sundee, Mondee,Tuesdee, etc." He also had a slew of expressions that our family remember and use from time to time like, "Well for heaven's sake". He had so many unique ones too that I can't think of. He had nicknames for the kids like McGilicudy and Button and Peanut.

Speaking of which, Grandpa was very fond of nuts and always had a stash by his chair: peanuts, pistachios, walnuts, pecans, macadamia. I would sneak them--I love nuts too. He was also very fond of fishin and would tell stories about his fishin trips and camping trips. When I was little, I really liked rocks and started a rock collection. Grandpa gave me some of his--he knew a lot about them and had the tools to cut and polish them. He was known by many as a great jeweler, and I lucked out and got some jewelry from him over the years. On my 12th birthday we happened to go to my Grandparents house, and he went into his office and came out with my first string of pearls! I felt so lucky! Eleven years later I wore them on my wedding day.

I remember Grandpa would squeeze some orange juice in the mornings. I have this image of him in the kitchen in some plaid pajamas juicing a few large oranges from his tree outside. I have no idea if this is just my memory of one day, or if it happened often, but he just made enough to fill a glass. Grandpa was always making things in his shop. He made me my first little dollhouse. It was so cute! Once I was assigned to make a pioneer wagon for school, so he and I made one out of wood. I have no idea how I did that ;) Another thing about Grandpa is he was always handing everybody money. That was so cool. And at Christmas he would type up his testimony and give everyone a copy. I have a stack of those letters in one of my boxes at home that I am excited to read again. He was at all my big events growing up, he blessed me when I was a baby, he confirmed me when I was baptized. I think of him whenever I sing How Great Thou Art because he loved that song. He is a great example to me, and I'm grateful to be his granddaughter.

http://lumangreen.com

So Blessed

2010-12-09T09:52:00.003-07:00

The last few weeks, though at some points exhausting, have been very happy ones. I have been feeling very blessed and feeling Heavenly Father guiding my life. I feel lucky and also a little bit guilty because I have not been incorporating Him into my thoughts and life as often as I should. I need to be more diligent in my prayer and scripture reading. Why are those simple things so hard for me to do sometimes? However, despite my slacking in some areas, I am still feeling close to Him. Sunday was a really great day for me--our Relief Society lesson about the Savior's life was so powerful and I felt it added to my testimony. I have just felt more joyful and more grateful lately and I am so thankful for my blessings. Sure, we have lots of worries and stress with our busy lives, and it seems like no matter what we do we are scraping for money. But we are also greatly blessed, and I feel like Heavenly Father is reminding me of that.

First Thanksgiving

2010-11-28T18:30:00.008-07:00

We made our first Thanksgiving dinner this year. Raimo made the turkey. We also had mashed potatoes, yams, carrots, and apple and pumpkin pies with homemade whipped cream. Raimo also got his nintendo to work. He was pretty much overjoyed.
It was a very special Thanksgiving

100 Books

2010-11-21T15:22:00.003-07:00

Have you read more than 6 of these books? The BBC believes most people will have read only 6 of the 100 books listed here.

Instructions: Copy this into your NOTES. Bold those books you've read in their entirety, italicize the ones you started but didn't finish or read an excerpt. Tag other book nerds.

1. Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen

2. The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolken

3. Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte

4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling

5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee

6 The Bible

7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte

8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell

9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman

10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens

11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott

12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy

13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller

14 Complete Works of Shakespeare

15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier

16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien

17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk

18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger

19 The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger

20 Middlemarch - George Eliot

21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell

22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald

24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy

25 The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams

27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky

28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck

29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll

30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame

31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy

32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens

33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis

34 Emma -Jane Austen

35 Persuasion - Jane Austen

36 The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe - CS Lewis

37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini

38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres

39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden

40 Winnie the Pooh - A.A. Mine

41 Animal Farm - George Orwell

42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown

43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving

45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins

46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery

47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy

48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood

49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding

50 Atonement - Ian McEwan

51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel

52 Dune - Frank Herbert

53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons

54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen

55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth

56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon

57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens

58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley

59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon

60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck

62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov

63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt

64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold

65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas

66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac

67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy

68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding

69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie

70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville

71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens

72 Dracula - Bram Stoker

73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett

74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson

75 Ulysses - James Joyce

76 The Inferno - Dante

77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome

78 Germinal - Emile Zola

79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray

80 Possession - AS Byatt

81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens

82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell

83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker

84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro

85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert

86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry

87 Charlotte’s Web - E.B. White

88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom

89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton

91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad

92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery

93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks

94 Watership Down - Richard Adams

95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole

96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute

97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas

98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare

99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl

100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

Now I have a new book list!

& Thats The Way It Goes... Sometimes...

2010-11-13T12:05:00.003-07:00

Its funny how these things happen sometimes. But they indeed happen. First off thank you Grandma for the card & everything. As a Door salesmen, you indeed have a lot of interesting experiences, I think I mentioned knocking doors on halloween, it got to the point where people were handing me candy as I knocked from door to door. That wasn't bad, but talking with some of our customers, they had noticed that the internet speeds were slowing way down from the expected 10/10mbps, Which is highly unusual. It was raining, I had made some good potential leads, to follow up with on Monday.
Monday came, and so did a notice letting me know I had been laid off... Apparently my companies profit margin was to small, & costs were too high here in the Utah area, they did address that if I was graduated they would have liked to keep me, but move me down to Arizona or Las Vegas. But that wasn't happening. But thats the way it goes... At one point you're on top, bringing in sales, the next you're no longer needed. I'm still waiting on my pay, and reimbursement from them since the 1st of this month.
But just as that so happens to be closing, My companies biggest competitor here in Utah, called me up & invited me to an interview. After two interviews, they'd like to hire me, and have me do the same things I was doing with my company, that is recruiting training, & selling. The difference would be that I can knock everydoor in Provo, that my new company owns the network in Provo, and we can continue to knock doors on the Utopia network throughout Orem Payson, Lindon, Murray, S. Salt Lake, Midvale, Brigham City. So my big push is going to hire guys up in the Salt Lake area. To create a Salt lake team, & a Utah county utopia, & Provo Team. Along with that we can also sell directv & dish in the Utah area, so if anyone wants to sign up for those, it would be helpful if you signed up with me. (there's my spill selling to friends, sorry about that). Well, I started as a door salesmen, I was let go as a door salesmen, & I'm hired again as a... door salesmen.

& Thats The Way it Goes... Sometimes...

To do list

2010-11-11T11:09:00.002-07:00

Here are things I still need to do in Utah

go to the Blue Lemon restaraunt
see the Waldorf Astoria (stay there??)
go to the Festival of trees
go to that pizza place i can't think of the name of in SLC
go to studio 600
go to a Mountain West ballet
go to zions (i'm iffy on that one)
go snowboarding some more
see manti pageant

Seattle

2010-11-03T18:41:00.021-06:00

We drove all 14 hours through boring Idaho for a trip. It took all day. But we loved our hotel.
The next morning we drove into town

Blue blue skies

We enjoyed Seattle in all its colors
We spent our first morning driving all over the city

We had to go to the one-day sale since I was missing it back home

Went to the open marketand the first Starbucks

We drove around the peninsula. It took a whole evening, but it was so beautiful.
Ate fresh fish

We had our competition. We took 5th in Amateur. Hair and makeup took longer than the actual competition, as always
We played pirates

We got rained on at the temple

Found our future house
Found Raimo's old apartment
Found the Grangers, one of Raimo's favorite couples from his mission. They Looove him.
Digby, who was and still is the ward mission leader, told us his favorite story of Raimo. They tracted into a man who was very negative and kept telling them all the things he already knew about the church. I already know this, I already know that. And Raimo just said, "Well how about a tap dance." He still gets a kick out of remembering some of those times. They had the best things to say--that he and his companion were the highest baptizing and the best missionaries.
Stopped by the chapel (it is surrounded by the most gorgeous trees)

Went to Gig Harbor, or the Gigity Gig as Raimo says. It was my favorite city
His apt in Gig Harbor
On the way back I read him the third Hunger Games outloud. It was such a wonderful trip. I'm glad we went--it was great.

My husband is more than cool

2010-10-15T00:28:00.003-06:00

Tonight I'm just thinking about people and how they judge each other, and I wanted to write it out to make sense of it. Read on, but be warned that it may be mushy.

There is a girl who doesn't like my husband very much. I think she just hasn't really gotten to know the real him--like she hasn't allowed herself to be close enough to really know his character. Anyone who knows him knows he is really upbeat and positive and also very selfless. While he does like to play the "cool" card, it in no way interferes with his kindness and humility. It got me thinking about how easy it is to make a judgment about someone else, and to then continue thinking badly of them no matter what they do later on. In high school I learned that I had to put myself out there more. I actually felt really shy around people I didn't know very well, but it ended up looking like I was really snooty. I still try to make a real effort to be friendly--I am just not much of a talker and not particularly expressive, so I know I have to let people know that I really do like them!

So I am just thinking about all of this, and I'm guessing that the majority of the time, we just get people wrong. It's interesting to think about--there are so many different personalities out there (maybe some more different than others!) and yet we always expect people to think the same thing as us. How backwards is that?

And on a completely different note, I am thinking just how wrong she is and how wonderful my husband is. Sure, he is a cool cat. And he may seem like he is overly confident and perhaps arrogant at times. If she really knew him, however, she would know that he acts that way kind of as a joke. I mean, sure--he likes to dress "cool" and play "cool," but he is much more than that and is, in fact, a very humble, hardworking, sincere guy and would do anything to help someone else.

I'm thinking about my expectations for other people--I'm sure I have them. And what are they? I expect that they act a certain way, that they will have certain reactions, that they will like one thing and dislike another. Are expectations a good thing? Are they limiting? Or do they help us in some way? It is really interesting.

I think of President Monson's talk in the General Relief Society broadcast. He could not have been more spot-on in his choice of topic. Women especially are so bad about thinking the worst of others and judging when they ought to be understanding. I know I've often pointed out someone's dirty laundry on the line, when in reality it was probably just my window that needed cleaning. Sometimes those little judgments can blow up to major resentments of others. I am hoping I can see people for who they really are, and I am hoping I can be the person that gets up early to clean that dirty window!

rained in.

2010-10-07T16:14:00.001-06:00

The weather is rain. Lots of it. There also happens to be a lot of thunder, so Here I am trapped in my apartment. I don't really want to take the scooter out in the rain, especially becuase I don't really have any rain gear. and visibility will be a bit harder.

2010-10-06T16:19:00.004-06:00

I had a soup fest a couple of weeks ago and was making homemade soups every couple of days. Well one of them turned out really great! A corn "choup" (chowder and soup) by Rachael Ray. It had bacon and potatoes and was soo delicious. The other soups.... we'll call a learning experience. It was fun to get out the cookbooks for a little while.

I am currently reading Emily of New Moon by L.M. Montgomery. It is such a wonderful book. Here are a couple of favorite passages:

"Can you sing?" asked a thin, freckled girl, who yet contrived to be very pretty in spite of thinness and freckles.
"No," said Emily.
"Can you dance?"
"No."
"Can you sew?"
"No."
"Can you cook?"
"No."
"Can you knit lace?"
"No."
"Can you crochet?"
"No."
"Then what can you do?" said the freckled-one in a contemptuous tone.
"I can write poetry," said Emily, without in the least meaning to say it. But at that instant she knew she could write poetry. And with this queer unreasonable conviction came--the flash! Right there, surrounded by hostility and suspicion, fighting alone for her standing, without backing or advantage, came the wonderful moment when soul seemed to cast aside the bonds of flesh and spring upward to the stars.

Another line I liked very much was "To love is easy and therefore common--but to understand--how rare it is!" This line comes just when she has finally met another human being who is like her father--someone she can really talk with and share her true feelings with. She hadn't had that connection with her starchy aunts or sarcastic great aunt or even with her school playmates. It isn't until she meets a fellow writer that she really connects on that level. I just love that italicized understand. I love those kind of relationships.

P.S. I just talked with Traci for an hour. When we get on the phone together, we just go off. It is so fun for me.

Drip drip drip little april showers

2010-10-03T12:08:00.002-06:00

drip.. drip.. drip.. Lil april showers! Alright it isn't april and it hasn't been raining, however everytime our neighbors upstairs do their laundry, (which is everyday) a little shower begins in our family room. This has been going on since july... With no help from the management of the apartment. not only a shower but storm clouds gather on our ceiling. Ok so there aren't any storm clouds, but the ceilings paint bubbles into tiny little rainclouds that bring forth moisture, and drip drip drip. Well it happened again yesterday, ironically the day before, the management came and scraped off the rainclouds and repainted over, they told me they had fixed the pipes, (this is the 2nd time they've told me this.) And once again it is raining. I guess I wouldn't be that bothered by it. but it is raining really close to our electronics, and it did stop our clock the first time. This is the 3rd time its happening. Well anyways I called and left a message, sounding a little annoyed that they still hadn't fixed the problem, within an hour one of the management guys came over, I showed him the lovely video of it raining, and the bowl full of water. He was pretty helpful. hopefully we won't have anymore showers till April.

The Other Day...

2010-09-29T19:01:00.002-06:00

I was knocking doors the other day, I had just talked to a few customers and signed them up for more services. I then came upon a customer who wasn't happy with our service. The ironic thing is the fact that I literally came minutes after a competitors internet service provider rep left their home. They hadn't signed up yet to switch the service. The customer has a very large family and the internet had been going out couple times a week, which is annoying when you're doing homework. I listened to them tell me everything that was going wrong for over an hour. & about their life. The other service provider had told them they could get 50mpbs data, they just had with us 10mbps. I told them that we have that package and it will be cheaper too. The cust said that they didn't even know we offer that package. But that wasn't their only concern, they had had a hard time getting a hold of cust service. The other provider called our service line, only to be put on hold for a few minutes and then sent to an answering machine. They called his service and it picked up. I was thinking thats becuase they don't have any cust (which is sorta true by the fact that we cover more than just utah for service). The lady then told me I should work on my talents, and explained how we can gain talents and such. Well I showed them our price for 50meg and phone and tv, they saw that it was cheaper than the other, I also assured them that we would do something about their internet not working, cause there are a few other customers on the street that have our service, and the service is working fine. So it looks like our competition is selling cust service, becuase the cust knows that we actually have better quality service, (their son was a tech guy who see's that we have invested in more quality products. I hope our customer service will fix the issues that this one particular cust is having. We've fixed things like this. Cuase generally I'd say over 75% of the cust I talk to are happy with our service. but it was crazy. Very nice family they shared their life story and how people haven't treated them very nicely, its sad cuase their very nice and really smart. I"m going to follow up and make sure we treat them right as our customer.

My day off

2010-09-23T14:45:00.014-06:00

Dear bloggers,
Isn't it fun hearing Raimo's commentary on life from time to time? I don't think I would hear those things from him otherwise. I enjoyed his notes on tetris, especially since the game has been keeping him locked up in the bathroom for even longer than usual lately. I'm glad to know that it helped in the rearranging of our house:It's so much more open now. I love it.

Today is the first day of fall. We've been leaving the windows open at night, and every morning is so crisp and cool in our apartment. And since we live in the shadows, it remains quite cool all day. Today I wore a sweatshirt for the first time (inside the house). I painted my nails an autumn bronze, I cleaned up my house and added a little fall decor, and I sliced up some garden fresh tomatoes and ate them with lots of salt (Raimo brought them home from work--from an old lady he met on the doors.... they were big and plump and so-much-better-than-grocery-store tomatoes). My friend did a soup week in honor of fall, and I'm thinking I need to make some delicious homemade soups because that sounds soo good.

I have the day off work today. It has been nice to sleep a little later, get caught up around the house, do some laundry, and see some daylight.

That is all that's going on. Lately I am loving:

--the sound of plastic hangers clacking against each other or screeching across a metal pole. This means either I am shopping or I am going to hit my sales goal at work.
--having a stack of good sheet music next to me at the piano (every once in a while, I go play at the church across the street)
--living the simple life with Raimo. Sometimes we really wish we had this or that awesome thing, and sometimes I really wish we had fun plans to move or to do something exciting, but then we have nice days like today and I am quite content where I am.

Here are some recent photos
So that's about it!
Love,
Jessica

I Dream In Tetris...

2010-09-23T13:11:00.002-06:00

Apparently there's to many people on facebook right now, because I keep getting kicked off, and it won't load. Any how, I found down in my parents basement, my brothers old hand held Gameboy by Nintendo, along with that, I found some of the old games, like double dragon, mario land 2, blades of steel, and now my own personal favorite Tetris. I've gotten pretty good at the russian inspired game. To the point that when I close my eyes at night I see tetris blocks coming down, and I have to arrange them in such a way that they won't make it to the top. The graphics are sweet, 2 dimensional, black & white.
In everyday life, our apartment is like tetris, we have only so much space, and our furniture are the blocks that we have to arrange so that we can live within that space. Also our scheduling is like tetris, sometimes it can be a stretch trying to get Jess & I's schedules to match up and sometimes we plan everything right or we just get the right pieces and we clear a "Tetris" which is the term used when you make 4 lines disappear at the same time. Usually by the end of the semester, all the peices of hectic lives are coming down super fast and you don't have time to think all you can do is react and place at the lowest possible place. that includes homework, rent, bills, work, dating, family, and everything else.

Another Experience: Just a day on the job

2010-09-17T21:10:00.002-06:00

So another day has come and gone, the weather was in the mid 80's and it was sunny. The usual thing happened I had to drive and look for the addresses on my list. Which I don't mind with xm radio, my first door, the lady came to the door on the phone and needed me to come back. I knocked a few empty doors, followed up with a lady who said she'd "like to do more research" Which pretty much translates, no. Becuase honestly 99% of those who say that never do any research. This person already is on the same network as us, the only difference with the two providers would be, she would save about $20. Anyways she said she'd contact me once she's done the research. I think the best research would be to just try it, since we don't have contracts, it will save you money. Well I do reccomend that people search things out to see if what we offer will be best for them.
Well enough about that, I was going to follow up with another person on the street and walked by a gentlemen that was standing by a house where there was supposed to be an address that I was suppossed to knock, So I asked him where this particular address is. It turned out he lived there, he had qwest and I could get him about 40mbps more speed for his internet, and save him $34 about. He was a nice guy.
I also followed up with another older lady, she had to buy a new computer, and is going through a lot right now. Her husband is starting to forget how to basic things. I listened to her for some 30 minutes. I think she needed to vent a little bit, and then she gave me some tomatoes from her garden. She's a very nice lady, and asked me to follow up with her in a couple of weeks. I hope everything will work out.
So that was another day on the job.

Great words about great books:

2010-09-15T11:45:00.002-06:00

My aunt, Marilyn Faulkner, has just finished her book called Back to the Best Books. It is designed to assist book groups, or any reader really, in reading some 36 different novels that she calls classic. I just read the introduction of the book and loved her definition of "classic" or great novels! Here are a couple of paragraphs:

"When an author combines brilliant artistry with the desire to uplift and edify, the attentive reader achieves a deepened sense of what it is to be human. A great book is designed to change your mind, touch your heart, and lift your spirit. You should emerge from the experience of reading with some new wisdom about the human condition and a deeper perspective about the experiences of your own life. The careful and compassionate observation of the human soul is the gift that a great novel brings us. We cannot live everywhere; we cannot be everyone. But we can read, and by so doing send out a “cord of communion” (to quote Jane Eyre) to another kind of person, and then another, and then another, until we are reinvented by our interconnectedness. Those few authors that have created truly great novels deserve our serious attention; they add to our ability to live creative and thoughtful lives."

"...That is why it is so important that literature paint an accurate, rather than an idealized representation of the human heart. Franz Kafka said, “A book must be an ice-axe to break the seas frozen inside our soul,” and Chaim Potok described the process of writing as “mapping the human heart.” The best books show us our true selves, warts and all, yet somehow inspire us to rise above those weaknesses to something finer. To have this kind of life-changing experience, we must reach beyond the level of simple entertainment. Some great books have happy endings, some do not, but each one teaches us something true about ourselves that may lead to more satisfying resolutions of our real-life dramas."

You can read the introduction to her book in Meridian Magazine here

and her book is available on Amazon here.
And all the proceeds go to charity. Cool, huh?

And don't you love it when a book is your ice-axe that breaks the seas frozen in your soul? What books have done that for you, OR what did you think about my aunt's introduction to her book?

It's no secret...

2010-09-14T17:28:00.002-06:00

...I've always wanted one. She is soo cute! And just think of all the fun hair possibilities!
I heart babieeesssss.

Bad Hair day?

2010-09-12T17:31:00.003-06:00

Yesterday was Jessica's first day of work. To make sure she was on time, I forgot to comb my hair. from that, i took off for work. another day to knock doors. The first two doors no one answers, even though I can hear people inside, it was relatively early (10a.m.) for a saturday. I walk past a cult de sac that I had knocked in febuary and thought to myself, boy it sure would be nice to know all the houses that have service, I could have knocked just one area quite easily. I walk up to the house. two little kids answer the door, good morning, could I speak with your mom or dad. The dad comes to the door. We talk a bit. I almost ask him if he needs time to think it over with his wife, but they say they'd rather switch over to the service. And they invite me in.
It is at this point I realize that my hair wasn't combed, and let me just say, it was going in all directions, so from that point on I make a joke about not using a comb. it worked out good, the family signed up with a triple play, which means tv phone & internet. I was totally going to let them think about it, but they invited me in and made me a sale. Love it when that happens, but realized that I do need to close sales more.

Another Day On The Job

2010-09-08T23:27:00.003-06:00

We all have funny experiences, It just so happens that the mundane of door knocking can be taken away after each door. Jess had the car today since it was her first day of work! I decided to take Axle (my trusted made in China Scooter). It was getting dark, I put $.70 cents into her to fill her up for the month, and off I went. The weather is getting colder, so I put on one of my jackets to keep the cool out. My first door consisted of a family that I had talked to previously, they had asked for some information that I didn't have on me at the time, and I was returning to give them that info. Well they didn't answer the door, so I decided to leave a note with my last large sticky note, Naturally as I turned to leave the gentleman answers the door. We had a brief enthusiastic discussion on what the next step towards getting the service, and then he mentions that he didn't answer the door cause he had just stepped into the bathroom. It happens to the best of us.
Actually that wasn't the funny thing that happened on the way back home with Axle, I noticed out of the corner of my eye, some thing flying, it turned out that I hadn't taken off the sales tag from my jacket. I laughed, I had a lot of people drive by laughing. The other annoying thing I noticed is: you run into a lot of bugs when riding a scooter. I'm serious when the sun has gone down but its not fully dark yet, the bugs fly straight for your headlight and somehow end up hitting you neck, chest, arms, face, it was... an interesting feeling. One day I'll put pictures on with my writing but until then, you'll have to bare with my boring stories.
Do you ever notice that right when you decide to do something, the phone or doorbell rings?

2010-09-07T18:52:00.003-06:00

"In Ohio seasons are theatrical."

~from Toni Morrison's Beloved

That's a good way to describe it. Seasons sure aren't very theatrical in California, but here in Utah we see a little more of nature's theatrics.

"Each one enters like a prima donna, convinced its performance is the reason the world has people in it.... summer had been hooted offstage and autumn with its bottles of blood and gold had everybody's attention."

Autumn is definitely SO bold and dramatic. In fact, on the first day of school, it was already overcast and slightly cooler, even though it was still August! I'm a little sad because I don't feel like we had a real summer--we skipped over beach days and a lot of other summer activities. But it's hard to be sad when it's a perfect 70 degrees outside. It's time to trade in the swimsuit for jeans and sweaters...

p.s. My new job at Macy's is going to be really great, I think. I am getting trained right now.

New trick

2010-09-02T13:33:00.004-06:00

Lately I feel like everyone is letting me down. Well not everyone, but we've had quite a few things happen lately that are just not so fair and not very nice. My sister-in-law, who seems to get along with pretty much everyone, once told me her secret: "I just don't care." When people let her down or are super mean, she just says, "Oh well" and moves on with or without them. I have given that a try, but I am having a hard time with it because I DO care! I care about justice!! But I think it is kind of a helpful thing because it helps you not be consumed with anger or disappointment, and I can know that as long as I am doing my part and being the best I can for my family, friends, and associates, I can feel happy still even when let down. It doesn't always work right away though. And I have a really hard time forgetting...

I feel like things are not fair this week. Not everyone in our family is being fair and Raimo's boss is unfair and one of our friends is very unfair. I've been crying, but the good thing is that once I move past it... I won't care.

But probably not until I finish one of these rolls

Thanks for listening :) Phew

2010-09-02T12:53:00.002-06:00

Ok so last time I shared with you one of my more recent days at work. I'd like to share with you this time one of my first days out knocking ever! (this excert will most likely be put into the experiences chapter of my book.
It was mid March at the time I was assigned a couple blocks, I could knock every in the highlighted map, and so with that I had a system of two highlighters green if they didn't answer, & pink if I talked to them. With this in mind I rode with my co-worker/friend. His area was right next to mine, my first person I talked to had recently bought a snow cat. If you don't know what that is, thats ok, for the most part it looks like a car, with huge tredds under it so it can climb up any mountain covered in snow. It was sweet looking, naturally the guy already had the services we were offering so no sale on that. I met an accountant who wanted me to come back after april when tax season was over, he didn't have any time to talk, met some other people and then ran into a current customer of ours who didn't have the television service we were offering at the time. He was really nice and liked the idea of bundling the service I explained the packages he could have and the pricing, I set it up with the middle package so that if he wanted a little more that was an option or if the price was too high we had other options below. He asked if I could come back later in the evening and show all this to his wife. so I knocked some more. Talked with a guy who was preparing for armageddon, buying all these supplies and food, and gear. I went back later the family was eating dinner at that time. "have you eaten dinner?" they asked me. I hadn't, so they invited me in. We ate meatloaf, and got to know the family. The family had 3 kids, who liked the idea of getting television in the home. the wife wasn't feeling it as much but felt that if the kids did their chores and homework for a week they'd add the service. (naturally that didn't come to fruition so I lost a sale). I was determined to not go home without a sale for the night, I had been knocking for a couple hours already and didn't want to quit yet. I decided to keep going, the last house on the street I meet a gentleman who has dish, and is tired of the price of it. I share with him our promotions and actual price he likes it, and invites me in, we fill out some paper work, and poof a sale.
What happened back there, that sale didn't come because of my amazing selling abilities. Nope, nor did it come because of my good looks and charm. It came because of persistence & the desire to keep going. that was the key. I wasn't very good right off the bat. It took me about 3 weeks of consistant and constant focus, & going out everyday and knocking doors sharpening my approaches and getting used to talking with people.

Goodbye

2010-08-31T19:31:00.002-06:00

I'm going to miss my friends:

I am now employed at Macy's.

The Routine: door sales - They don't come easy

2010-08-30T23:28:00.002-06:00

Door Sales sometimes do come easily, but for this particular day... they didn't... After being at school for most of the day. Being locked out of your own house for over an hour, twitching your nose because you took your allergy meds a little later than expected, and because of the fact that our apartment complex rails were being smothored with wet snow white paint, (which coincidently I'm allergic too) sitting on the grass which I was also allergic too. Waiting for Jess to get back with the sweet car we have. I did finally get to go out and sell, after a victory poweraid for such a successful first day of school.
I was going to be going on a field day with one of our reps. who I called 10 minutes before I got to his apartment to let him know I was on my way. I got there sat in the car for 5 minutes (because usually he just comes out of the apartment), but this time no such luck. I knock his door. A tall scrangly dark haired college kid with gangly arms answers. Is such & such there? I ask. He looks at me and lets me know that my rep moved out the week before. convienantly my phone hadn't been working for the past two days, which all the reps were aware of, so I couldn't just call him. All in all that wasted about 2 miles and 30 minutes of valuable time. Time is one the really important factors to door sales. You only have so much time before you have to stop knocking on peoples doors. its all about Timing! Somebody would have signed up if only you had stopped by two days before, or 3 days before, that is sometimes frustrating, so the way I think of it. You have to be out there talking to as many people, as you can before, leaving a positive message or feeling towards the company or product you represent.
Well anyways with being behind time I drive to the first street of addresses that are attached to the fiberoptic network that I work for. I'm following up with some people I had talked with last week, and trying some doors that didn't open up for me last week. I think following up was fruitful, I tried to just establish a relationship with them, find common ground and assess where their at in the sales mix. At this moment for the two people I followed up with, they hadn't checked to see if they were in contracts, which meant they hadn't given it a thought since I last left them. Which meant I needed to push some urgency into it & find common ground. after that, I knocked more doors. At that moment, trying to be pushy would have killed the deal since both were sincere that they were interested in the service, and they just needed a little more time before they were comfortable of signing up.
By this time, those two large poweraid's that had quenched my thirst earlier (sorry gatorade, mcdonalds doesn't carry your sweet beverage) were really starting to bother me, and not let me just do my thing and talk with people, I had to make a pitstop at Harmons your friendly neighborhood grocery store. after that I knocked a few more doors which one person completely looked past me (older lady) even when I spoke to her, and said here kitty kitty, (no cat in sight) and then slowly shut the door. Ok this wasn't going anywhere with no one answering the door but 3 people. Besides I was meeting up with another sales rep later that night to team sell, and see how we can be more effective (since my afternoon had been so effective). We were going to visit one of our MDU's that we provide service. It was that time of year were many of the tenants want to upgrade their tv channel packages so they can cheer for BYU, or for a few that cheer to see them lose. It went rather well. The funniest door was when my coworker Bill (names changed for privacy) knocked into a college girl that was a total valley girl. Bill explained we were the apartments internet & TV provider and was checking up on the apartment to see if they had upgraded their service already. She didn't get that and said "O we already have tv and internet, it comes with the apartment" Bill said I didn't ask that in a question we are your providers. O she said.
And that was today, I also stopped by some people who were interested in the service only to find out after I had left they had signed up with the service I sold them on. Thus leaving me without getting the commission. It happens more than you think. We did upgrade a few customers.

Memiors of a door salesmen

2010-08-29T01:39:00.004-06:00

It isn't for everybody, but I have been knocking doors to support our family for the past year, & its been a miracle that I even found this job. When I say that its a miracle that I found this job, I didn't. My wife found it on the computer. I can't think of anybody that would say its a miracle to become a door salesman. It sounds funny to hear it coming out of my mouth too. But it was & still is. Door sales aren't for everybody, though I think if everyone tried it, they'd find that many of the door salesmen are just regular joes trying to make a living. (every once in while there are those bad eggs that ruin it for the rest of us.) And so as it goes, I got an interview I went to the interview found out that it was a door sales job, (I was desperate to get a job at the time, but nervous to get a door sales job, wondering if I'd be good enough for it) and ran into my friend there in the office. With that I decided I better give it my all, and see what miracles could happen. Besides doing something is better than nothing with the economic situation Jess & I were experiencing at the time.
I don't know why I decided to write this at this moment, but I think a lot of door salesmen have gotten a bad reputation from the few selfish individauls that took advantage of others, so I'm writing this to share with you what its like to be a door salesman. Some of the experiences will be common and to those who've done door sales can relate with, other things will be new and unique, because in door sales there are a lot of general patterns, filled with random suprises. I hope that I can convey what its like to walk in the shoes of a door salesman.

I'm steeping

2010-08-25T19:06:00.005-06:00

Summer

I steep
in its cauldron.
These are days not swallowed
before they breathe.
Their evenings bridge
toward morning, one motion,
a splendid indolence,
a long novel.
This season's not
bound in batting;
it thunders
through thin linen.
I am a slow cooking roast;
by the end of August
my center will be warm
but still red.

By Natasha Saje

As I was sitting by the pool in Arizona last week, the first lines of this poem came to mind. Isn't this the best metaphor for that unbreathable kind of heat? "I steep in its cauldron." I became a slow-cooked roast that day.

new thought

2010-08-24T16:27:00.003-06:00

It only took 1 tank of gas from Las Vegas to Provo. Woot woot!

I'm Back!

2010-08-24T16:14:00.003-06:00

This past week, I had the oppertunity to work down in Arizona. the temperature was very hot. the days ranged from 102-109 degrees. My wife had a great time sitting by the pool as I drove down to the wonderful town of Maricopa and made contacts with people. Hopefully we can get a sales team going on down there.
Also visited Las Vegas, my brother lives there, his wife is so cute and bless her heart, she highlighted my sweet Jessica's hair. I have a very cute niece. She uses the word "my" for I'm so when she runs at top speed she yells "my fast, my fast mommy" She's adorable.

I'm not good at manual labor

2010-08-13T10:33:00.002-06:00

So far this week I had the oppertunity to help my dad pour and lay some cement in their backyard. Everything was going well until I got there... Actually by the time I got to my parents place, the portable cement mixer my dad rented was faulty and wouldn't mix, so we had to head back to the store and return it. The manager was nice enough to replace it with one that actually did work. So we get back, its time to start pouring the cement bags into this mixer, which looks like an orange pot the size of a round cow, ontop of a wheelbarow. Let me tell you cement bags, even the small ones are heavy, about 80 ibs and you have to balance them while trying to pour them in your giant orange "pumpkin" without hitting the sides which are moving and could tear the bag opening and pour out the contents everywhere. Well after doing that some 42 times of opening bags pouring water in, mixing the mixing machine with a shovel and then putting some dyes in to change the color of the cement it wasn't half bad a job. except the fact that there were to colors of dye's and I mixed both colors, so the cement job might not be all the same color. I didn't know we had to different bags of color. Needless to say, we'll see if my family will call me to help. maybe....

SO THIS HURTS!!!

2010-08-08T14:21:00.003-06:00

A few weeks ago, while dancing ( & more particularly while cooling down). I was going over the samba steps, while Jess was stretching. I began a samba roll when I immediately knew something was amiss! I felt this nice intense stabing electric feeling in the middle of and on the right of my back. it hurt to shift and move and breath and sit, and lay down and do anything. It turns out one of my ribs out of place. So naturally i went to see the dance trainer with some intense stretches, and then laying me on my back, crossing my arms and the guy telling me to breath in deep and exhale, he popped my rib back into place. the pressure was so intense, and then it felt good, i could move again even though the muscles were sore from the rib being out of place.
Its amazing that one little rib can completely stop me in my tracks. well onto today. This weekend I was goofing off, jumping around. And decided to try some dance/exercise moves i've seen on tv (I"m refering to the infomercial "insanity" a workout that will change your life or something like that). The process of the dance Move I was attempting was kicking your legs out and up in front of you while flexing your abs. The show said you would feel it in your abs, legs, gluts, back. All I felt within 5 seconds, or 4 kicks, was this pop on my right side middle of my back, and the same iintesnes pressure, pain to breath move, and anything else.
I think I retwisted my rib out of place again... Not the most exciting thing. I can't even say that I did anything cool to dislocate the rib. Jess just looked at me like are you serious! How dumb are you!!! "I just wanted to have a fun date" (did I mention this happened on our date)
OK I"m exaggerating on that, she was actually very simpathetic, just a tiny bit stunned that this should happen again. But like I said she was very simpathetic to my plight and has babied me a bit. Which is nice...
So later that night as I lay mortally wounded trying not to breathe cause it hurts, or move, cause it hurts or shift, or do anything cause it hurts.I'm just about to fall asleep, and I guess in my sleep I try to shift. becuase of this I scream out "bah" Jessica rolls over eyes still closed, and tells me in a somewhat annoyed voice, "No screaming, I'm just about asleep." I look at her (which hurt to turn my head). She was already asleep! She says the funniest things in her sleep. come to think of it so do I.

2010-08-04T20:23:00.002-06:00

Yesterday Raimo and I hopped on the scooter and rode into the canyon to find a waterfall. We decided Bridal Veil Falls sounded like a promising place for us to stop. We took a little walk next to the Provo river and when we came around the corner there was this huge fall that really did look like a veil! It was beautiful, and the water came all the way right down to our feet. Just next to the water we saw a pretty steep trail. It looked pretty promising so we headed up. There were quite a few scary spots on the way up. Some parts were really steep and were full of loose sand and rock. One part looked washed out, so we scaled it! We were really rock-climbing! Well we reached a part of the trail that seemed a bit too dangerous, so we headed all the way back down. We washed our dirty hands in the water and just decided to continue the little walk by the river. Well just a few yards away was a little rock-lined path that looked much more like an official trail. Needless to say, we made it to the waterfall without even breaking a sweat on that trail. Should have taken that one in the first place. The falls were amazing up close. The sun was just peeking over the top of the mountain, so when we looked up it was shining through the spray. It was really neat up there too because the water sort of pooled under the fall before trickling down the mountain to the river. It was a nice day.

The thunder has been unreal today-- I keep jumping at it because it is just soo loud and it is like right over our apartment! It sounds like someone has turned a enormous cooler full of ice upside down over us... with a microphone nearby. The rain is on and off, but the drops are just huge! Weird!

We had our first lesson on a rhythm dance with a professional today. His name was Decho and he really helped us a ton! And he was so positive and really made us feel like we have a lot of potential and that we'll do really well in the future. Our bolero is much improved already, and with some practice will be really cool. I'm glad we did it, even though it was expensive!

I am very frustrated that my job searching hasn't gotten me anywhere. I'm just hoping that one of these days someone will read my resume and call me up. And not take all year going about the hiring process. I'm sure something will work out.

Happier news: we found a new frozen yogurt place that has SO many flavors. mmm

Candyman

2010-07-28T20:24:00.003-06:00

I have always loved this song by Christina Aguilera, but I had never seen the music video! I love all the costumes, and the fact that she is dancing with Benji! I wish they would have shown a few more shots of him and his cute moves! Check it out!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nu-7rPdFjvI

Meet Bella

2010-07-28T12:40:00.008-06:00

And yes, her name is Bella Swan

Today's news

2010-07-22T23:41:00.001-06:00

We bought one of the cars I talked about earlier. I feel like it's my baby. Pictures to come!

Finland in pictures

2010-07-21T19:07:00.011-06:00

So I've been happily reading everyone else's blog for the last few weeks, when I saw on someone else's blog that my own blog hasn't been updated for 4 weeks.

Oh yeah. We went to Finland.
Gorgeous, right? We enjoyed the city of Helsinki

Met up with Raimo's family
Got to know Eila Mummu, and ate all the food she cooked usWent to the temple. And much much more.

Then we spent 3 days in New York. We went to the statue of liberty, ellis island, ground zero, central park...
and saw Romeo and Juliet the ballet at the met. And we had a dance lesson from Eugene in Brooklyn.

There are many more pictures. I think the pictures tell the story best. It was a very busy, fun vacation. I am glad to be home!

This weekend

2010-06-16T22:15:00.005-06:00

We are preparing to take off to Finland. Actually, it has been hard to plan for this trip because there have just been so many other things to think of, even right up until the day we leave. We are going to have a great time though. Just need to get through this weekend. It is going to be so crazy. And Raimo has to finish 3 finals tomorrow so we can leave Friday morning. We are driving Blake's truck down and he is flying--thankfully we were able to work out a way to get down there. We will drive straight to girls camp in the St George area where we are giving talks and dancing and singing, then continue on late into the night to Las Vegas. Sleep. Wake early and drive straight to a bridal shower for Traci. We were such good friends, especially senior year, and we have kept in touch through college. I really like how we can just talk for hours and how we love all the same stuff--cute clothes and shoes, going out to eat, and watching movies! Total girlfriends. I wish we could see more of each other. I'm so excited she is marrying Jeff--they are a great couple! I have some cute favors for the shower and a cute present for her. Anyway, the shower is on Monica's birthday, so we will probably celebrate her birthday on the following Monday at the zoo. We will squeeze in some Father's day celebrations on Sunday and then celebrate Mom's birthday on Tuesday and on Wednesday we take off for Finland. This trip might feel like a vacation from real life! But probably not. Tammy has so many things for us to see and do, and we are stopping in New York on the way back. Hope the money lasts till then! haha

In other news, we have been spending a lot of time at Mikko and Nicole's house since Raimo has had class in Salt Lake twice a week. I play with her babies and pretend they are mine and that's fun. I really love watching Raimo play with kids, especially little Mikko, who is 6 and half. Mikko takes him so seriously, no matter what Raimo tells him. The other day he was teaching him the things he needs to practice so he can become a Jedi. For example, he has to use the force to do special balance tricks, he has to obey his mom and pick up the playroom, he has to use the force to fend off the styrofoam arrows Raimo shoots at him. Mikko believes everything Raimo says to him, but he never believes me like that! And it's really cute to see Raimo hold a baby. In some ways babies make him nervous, but they look so cute and tiny wrapped in a strong bicep. It's also been fun to get to know Mikko and Nicole a bit better. We stayed up there like 3 days last week and just hung out and laughed and played. It is fun for me to have an older sister to talk to.

That is what's new. I have been quite busy since my previous posts, planning my talk and shower stuff. I also worked on an editing job, created my little graduation announcement (it actually took forever), and have been going to bed later and later every night. Well, talk to you when we get back,
Jessica

Car shopping

2010-06-11T17:05:00.004-06:00

We said goodbye to our Honda yesterday. I'm feeling a little sad about it because it has served us well. But I just have to keep reminding myself how mad I was at that car for breaking on the way to St George and how I wanted to just abandon it right then and there. We made some money off of it and are hoping to find a new car soon.

It is so hard shopping for a car. I would never have thought it would be so un-fun. I really like the idea of a brand new car or a car that is a 2009. Everyone we talk to has their own strong opinions about how and what to buy. Some people insist on a specific brand name, some people think we would be crazy to buy a brand new car. Some say, "Why not. Buy a new car--that would be fun." Some say buy something based on its re-sale value. Some say quality over cost, some say cheapest is best. Seriously though, everyone we talk to is very opinionated about how to buy a car. Why does everyone think they know? At the same time, everyone is right. But we want to be somewhere in the middle.

We want a car that will be a good car for the next 4 years maybe, or longer (unless we feel like trading it). We want to spend as little money as possible, but I don't want to spend thousands of dollars on something I don't even like to drive. I hope we can find a beautiful, shiny black thing to drive that just has all the sweet features I want, that is comfortable, and that is going to drive well. I want to make long road trips without any fear of breaking down. I want warranties, I want it all. Oh, and I want it to be cute and to have really great AC. Is that so unreasonable?

Here's what we've looked at.

Ford Focus

Toyota Camry

Chevy Cobalt

Kia Forte

Hyundai Elantra

Honda Civic

Are you sensing a pattern? They all look about the same, they are all in the same price range. I just want to find some dealer that's gonna give us the best deal of our lives.

We are currently driving Raimo's little black low-ride truck from high school, lovingly called the beaner. I am hoping it holds up long enough for us to figure something out!!!

Post-Graduation

2010-05-22T17:42:00.008-06:00

It's been very wonderful. I spent the first week waking up late and going through old emails and taking care of business (working on paperwork for all Raimo's medication, paying bills and tuition). I also got to know Rachel Ray. And Tyra. And Ellen. And my local PBS station. I LOVE daytime television! I now know how to make Poor Man's Salad and many many types of tacos (big hit around the cinco de mayo). I also know how to fix up a door to make it more weather-proof, how to best arrange plants, trees, and flowers in my future garden, and how to buy and install energy-saving systems for water and electricity my future house. These are very important skills for me to know!

The weekend after graduation we went to California, as Raimo explained. We visited Kari and Sarah for a few days, competed in LA, stopped in Riverside for a night, and in Vegas each way. It was such a warm and much needed trip. When we got home, I was suddenly sick. It can't be summer if I don't have a terrible cold first (Nauvoo last year, honeymoon year before). It just happens. Thankfully, I didn't have a life, so I got to stay home and hang out with Rachel and Tyra some more. I was pretty sick for about two weeks, but now it has just faded to some basic seasonal allergies I think.

Spent more time sleeping and watching tv, as well as filling out a few online job applications from home.

Went to the Provo library and picked up some books and dvds. I was honestly afraid that it would take me a long time to pick up a book again after 5 years of serious reading. However, I am just fine. Don't worry--my reading days have only begun. I am trying to make my way through a list of 1001 books you should read before you die. We'll see how I like them.

Last weekend Nicole called up and invited us to come down to St George for a couple of nights. We headed down after Raimo's class in Salt Lake, only to have our dear Honda break down outside of Parawan. It put a damper on the fun, but we still enjoyed basking in the sun by the pool all day and hanging out with family.

After much tribulation (mostly on Raimo's dad's part), the Honda is back in our garage and working fine. It was not as broken as we thought it was--just needed a new wire somewhere. However, we are ready to sell. It would make a great Provo/Utah car, but not the best for long road trips. Anyone want to buy it??

This week I have been a bit more productive. I was actually surprised how exhausted I felt after many days of doing nothing. I worked on a project yesterday that actually stimulated my brain for 4 hours. I will show it to you all soon. Last night Raimo and I had a fun date, spending some of our gift cards at the mall, buying shakes and jalapeno poppers, and watching 6 episodes of Mad Men.

Today we went on a lovely hike in rock canyon. I had asked Raimo to take me on a nice walking hike in nature. This was not quite so. It was pretty much uphill on gravel and rocks. It felt good to be outside and it was really beautiful. Raimo protected me from mountain lions with his knife and rock-throwing. Raimo is now napping and I am doing some major catch-up on this blog. It has been a wonderful couple of weeks. Raimo and I spend all day together!

Spring Semester: Embassy: cold weather

2010-05-07T17:24:00.002-06:00

We're 3 weeks into the semester, and so much has happened. First off Jessica graduated, immediately after that, we left for California, we went to the beach but it was windy. We got to see my nephews, and be there for my nieces birthday party. it was nice. We competed at Embassy where we placed 4th. Not bad considering it was our first comp, and we had just barely finished our routine, 6 days before. Couples 1-3 came from the filipines. we did alright. We also got to see where Jessica's mom grew up. It was really cool. Thats the extent of my writing abilities.

The School of Essential Ingredients

2010-04-21T19:33:00.002-06:00

I would recommend this book. I really liked it, even cried in it. The overall theme is how food is related to experiences we have in life and relationships with people. Being a food-lover myself, I identified very much with phrases like "the taste ran through her, full and rich and complicated, dense as a long deep kiss." Some food is really that good, don't you think?

I really loved all the characterization in the book--it followed a bunch of different people's lives and connected them somehow. I especially liked the young mother who had two young children and was struggling with her identity, feeling like she had given up her life for her kids. I also liked Helen and Carl, an older couple who have grown together in their marriage so that they are very much the same and have this way of seeming to be next to each other even when they are on opposite sides of the room. Have you ever known a couple like that? It is so romantic. Carl reminded me of Raimo. I like how when Carl recounts their first dance, she "followed his lead like water." Haha Raimo I will try to be more like that.

Anyway, while experimenting with and eating delicious food, all these people are in the process of finding and re-finding themselves. I may have cried. More than once. This is a book I'd like to read again in 10 or 20 years and see how I have changed.

April Showers

2010-04-21T14:33:00.003-06:00

Did I or did I not predict the weather for graduation day in my February 9th post? It has been beautiful and sunny for a few weeks, but today it is thundering and raining so hard! And there is a forecast of snow. I can't believe it. Oh well, not too big of a deal. It'll just make it hard to take pictures! It is really coming down hard right now, but just 3 hours ago Kylie and I were laying out on the lawn trying to get tan. Now the weather is absolutely crazy! And we had just finally started using the scooter again! (which has been giving us problems, by the way) That will just have to wait. Graduation will be fun. I'm mostly excited to go out to lunch!!

Yesterday I officially finished college. I took my last final of my life--sewing. I probably did about B-range work. I'm happy with that. Today I feel a little weird. We woke up and had a dance lesson... and then... went and got my cap and gown... and then.... nothing. I'm at work now... doing... nothing. I have no homework, no final exam looming in the back of my mind. I'm just chillin. It feels nice. What now???

Mormon-haters

2010-04-19T18:24:00.006-06:00

Do they really still exist?? Wasn't that just an 1800's/ mob kind of thing? I've never personally met one like this guy. These are two clips of our ballroom group that did a tour last summer in Nauvoo. I'm in one of the long green dresses, the mambo, and the red cha cha and the paso doble in this one:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vk_2PPryyl8&feature=channel
Unfortunately most of it is zoomed in on the unrighteous shanking hips so you can't really see the formations or faces!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JrILeZRrfIs
You have to laugh at this guy! It seems he isn't even interested in becoming Christian. I wonder if he's a memeber of some break-off of our church. We always make it a point to have extremely modest clothes. In fact, the ballroom competitions at BYU are the only ones in the world that even have a dress code!!! We get a lot of really unhappy dance professionals who think the code is too modest. SO interesting that we were his target.

My first encounter with anti-Mormonism was when I went to this place to eat in Riverside called the Grove Cafe with some friends. In their library section, there were 3 or 4 shelves devoted to anti-Mormon literature (there were a slew of other religions like Judaism and Catholicism--just tons of anti-lit) and I was shocked. A lot of people who went to that church were some of my good friends. I know that those friends didn't put those books there, but it was just extremely hurtful and shocking to find out they were affiliated with it. Why didn't the church just have some great books about being more like Christ or, heaven forbid, about their own beliefs and gospel truths?? Interesting enough, I read a few paragraphs, and it really twisted a lot of what we believe. Of course, it was based on things we believe, but it was totally incorrect information. Not to mention, there were a lot of things talked about there that are really considered sacred to LDS people. I remember feeling like they'd wrung out my juice and hung me out to dry--they took all the wholesomeness out of everything we believe and then stomped on it for good measure. Anti-literature is something I'll never understand. It's so contrary to the very purpose of religion. Religion is about finding truth, not finding truth by process of elimination of other religions.

Anyway, I've been lucky enough to not have to deal with this too often, but there sure are a lot of people wasting their time out there! Who are they?? I really can't imagine that they are real people. Some of them are kinda crazy. There are always a TON of them outside of the grounds at temple square. Every General Conference (every 6 months) they hold signs, dress up like devils, and shout at us. It's kinda weird... and you know. We really aren't devils! Their dressing up and all that is so interesting--so ineffective in making us what they want us to be: Christian.

If anyone wants to learn about the Mormon church, I hope they would do it by attending our church for themselves. If anything, I think they would find a great spirit of love and peace and truth there. Here's one website (mormon.org) that is run by the church. There might be helpful info there if people have any unanswered questions about us:
http://www.mormon.org/mormonorg/eng/

I was really glad that this guy got some footage of us because no video cameras were allowed at the venue!! What a sneaky dude. So I haven't been able to watch it till now! Raimo and I had some great experiences in Nauvoo. We felt we were able to touch a lot of the people in the audiences through a medium other than just church material. We were able to connect with a lot of people, that weren't members of our church, through dance (not to mention it's just really fun to perform!) One of the best things about that trip was it brought together a lot of the religions in Illinois. They are all pretty devoted to their own churches there--yet they could all come together for a less sacred/more secular kind of event. I think that's extremely important in any community!! I was proud to be a part of it.

golden state really is golden

2010-04-18T17:39:00.003-06:00

Wish I were living in California at this time of year.
Interesting that exactly one year ago I was feeling exactly the same thing: http://raimolovesjessica.blogspot.com/2009/04/daydreaming.html

Rhythm Final

2010-04-16T12:23:00.005-06:00

Raimo decided that for our dance final this semester we would wear our costumes. He has been recruiting other class members all semester to wear theirs too--and today when our teacher walked in, she had the biggest smile on her face. Everyone was warming up with their costumes on and numbers pinned to their back (Jesse's number was my favorite: 24601!) Then we had our final. She video taped all of us because we looked so great and then we all went to Denny's afterward. Marci even joined us for breakfast. Raimo was so excited--it was a fun morning.

Stairs

2010-04-14T12:40:00.001-06:00

Someday when I have a house with stairs, I hope they are white with dark wood like this

Today

2010-04-13T14:28:00.003-06:00

I am feeling so happy. Nothing can stop me. Actually I have been feeling like this for a little while, but it is especially so today. I woke up and it was pouring rain outside and it had snowed, but that didn't really matter. All I had to say was, "This is the last time I have to get up at 7 and walk to school in any form of precipitation." I had a 3 hour final today in my sewing class, but it went okay because I knew that no matter what happened, I would do pretty well on it and I would never have to go to 3 hour lab ever again! And then Raimo and I practiced (no thoughts of never having to do that again of course, but it went ok). Then a Singers recording, then one last editing assignment (boy am I through with those analysis homeworks!) and one more class in half an hour. The last class I will ever go to at BYU!

It is sort of surreal when I think about it. I am not even sad! I think I have really had a full experience here--I have squashed every possible extracurricular class into my schedule and been going full-steam from dawn to dusk most days. It was great while it lasted, but I am also very excited for a new chapter. I never thought I'd be ready to leave BYU. Part of this might be due to the fact that I haven't taken any time off school since the summer of 2008! I went right through last year-- and it took a toll. I am excited to do things around the apartment, eat at McDonalds less and cook a little bit, spend some time OUTSIDE during daylight--I think I've been inside for like 2 years now. I'm not sure what work I'll be doing. I've looked into a few editing things, but none of them seems like a great fit. I'm not in a rush quite yet. I will start a more serious hunt the week after finals :)

Raimo and I had a great weekend together- still had lots of work and stuff, but we partied too. I planned our Friday night date. We went to Five Guys for burgers, then to Borders to do Raimo's favorite thing=sit and read comic books in their comfy chairs (I read a chic novel that I plan to go back and finish another night), then we went home and made cookies and watched Fame the movie. It was a nice night. We ended up reading for like 2 hours of our date. I have not felt like reading for the last few years of college. I even have some books on my shelf at home that I didn't really want to pick up while in school, but I'm going to really enjoy them this summer!

Have I mentioned excitement for summer? haha

We have a big trip coming up in June and July. We are going to party like rockstars. I have really not had time to think about it, but now that I am, I thinking it's really going to be cool. I'm looking forward to doing weekend trips, just working and dancing at the good old RB.

One of my favorite things right now is my Gloria Estefan mix on Pandora. I love the 90's.

I had a dream last night that I gave birth to twins. I took them home in ziplock baggies because they were so tiny (what?) and then I spent the rest of the dream struggling to carry everything. The babies were suddenly bigger and I just didn't have enough arms. Why do my dreams always have to be so stressful? And I couldn't think of names for them. It was just bothering me throughout the dream. I was sad when I woke up and had no cute twinners!

I wish I was here right now...

2010-03-29T18:37:00.001-06:00

Can you guess where this is??