Am I the only one whose arm hairs are starting to look dark? I need need some sun! I want to actually feel it-- "I want to soak it in through my eyeballs," as one classmate said in a winter poem last semester. The funny thing is I know exactly what she means. Is there anyone out there who enjoys having winter from November to April? Really--tell me.

Finding joy

I spent 5 hours this morning perusing the internet at work because I just couldn't bring myself to crack the Biology book. While wasting 5 perfectly good hours of the day, I found myself browsing all kinds of blogs and sites, window shopping (should we call it monitor shopping since there really is no window??) and blog browsing. I just read a blog that was very inspirational, and I realized that we spend the majority of our time thinking "I want, I want, I want." Even if it isn't always material things we are wanting, there is usually a state of being we are wanting (married, moved, eating lunch, getting to bed, home-buying, debt-paying off, less busy, more busy) or a body type (healthier, slimmer, older, younger) or a personality (funnier, kinder, bolder, spiritualer) that we are wanting. I think I do spend a lot of my thoughts thinking about wants.... and that is not necessarily bad because that is just how life works. Wants make us do new and great (or even small and simple, but important) things.

I read two blog posts that got me thinking: one about Thanksgiving, and one about New Years'. SO in my mind is a combination of goal-setting and gratitude. This year when I was thinking about making resolutions, I really wasn't in the mood. Every year I write a full-blown list of things I want to accomplish, who I want to become, what talents I want to work on. I love lists. But I think I was feeling a little tired on New Years' Day as we drove back to bleak Provo (see? I'm "wanting" yet again for something in my Provo-hatred). Raimo and I made some resolutions together, but they were all financial goals.

Since then I have been trying to come up with the perfect goal for me in 2010, and I just didn't know what it was. In choir last week we had a devotional about goals. That day I thought of just one simple thing I that I could do to make this year better, and so I wrote it in my choir folder: Find Joy. Each day I open that folder and it stares back at me, and I think about whether I'm enjoying where I am in life right at that moment.

The seemingly mundane things in my life often bring me a lot of joy if I really think about it. Sometimes when I'm wishing for warmer weather, I remind myself that I really do like cloudy days and how they feel (even if the cold is harsh). When I'm thinking about how I don't like work, I think to myself that I really do like my job overall and I like the people I meet there and the satisfaction I get from making my own money. If I am not enjoying my schoolwork, I think to myself about how I enjoy what I get to do at school (read, sew, edit, learn, sing, dance) and it really changes for me. I think I'm also taking a little more time to "savor the moments" each day. I enjoy making my house look cute and clean, I enjoy sitting back to watch a movie, I enjoy the little time I get to have my husband's undivided attention, I try to enjoy how little money we have because it makes us appreciate things more.

Finding joy is going to be my 2010. It is a good year for this--I am finishing school, I am starting a new chapter, I am finishing dance, I am finishing choir, I am gaining some free time, I am going on vacations, I am going to see less of Raimo... some of these things are bittersweet. But I think my frame of mind can make all these experiences very positive. I don't want to waste my thoughts with "I wants" too often (I'm sure I will indulge and continue wanting fairly often), and I hope I can make the most of life. So there. Three weeks into January I have finally figured out my resolution. It is a feel-good goal, and I like it.

Is this good news or bad?

In high school my friends joked with me about my big butt. I got measured a few nights ago and it is 3 inches smaller since then. I'm not exactly skinnier I don't think. Am I supposed to be happy about this? I kind of liked my lady hump...

I had a wonderful birthday this year. Raimo and I celebrated the day before, going out to lunch and shopping. I got new clothes!! On my birthday he gave me what I have been wanting for a long time--pearl earrings! And a necklace too. Lucky me! And we went to dinner at Tammy and Mikko's house for dinner and cake and presents. It was fun. I can't believe I'm 23. Ew.

We have been watching Mad Men episodes all week--I have been renting them from Blockbuster and it has been so addicting!

Aside: Last night I took a callus off my toe--it had been there forever and was slightly peeling. And then there was another one underneath that so I peeled it off too. And the toe is still extremely hard. Ew?~! And my heels are bleeding and my right pinky toe nail is permanently split. Can you tell dance has started up again?

School is in full swing. I can't believe the first week is already over. Sewing is going to be hard. It is 8 hours of class and labs a week. Luckily I am only taking 8 credits!!! How fun. Raimo is not too happy with the very full schedule I made for him. But it will be okay I think. He is starting his business minor and I think he will enjoy those classes.

Being in BYU Singers is the highlight of every day for me. I seriously feel so lucky. I am getting used to being a second soprano. It is my first time ever--it really seems a lot lower sometimes. We are singing some challenging music, and it is fun trying to pick out those middle parts.

Now getting off work. Goodnight.