Rose and Finn, age 4.5 and 2

Finn is growing and changing before my eyes. I often find him looking at books, turning the pages, all by himself. He still asks me to read to him often. He has his favorites at any given time, and will ask me to read the one we just finished again. Lately he's been getting the fly swatter and pretends he's getting an Ee Be Bider (Itsy bitsy spider) with it. I think it's a gross toy and try to take it away, which has added to the appeal. He's also really into swords. His power ranger figures have little weapons they can hold and he thinks they're cool, and he makes all kinds of fighting noises which o certainly did not teach him. He still loves it when the garbage truck comes--he hears it coming down the street. Also, he is about 24 lbs, just for the record. He's had one haircut last fall, and now it's grown out and he's working on his mullet in the back. I love to snuggle him. He's so nice and boyish and thick. It gives me a neck ache to hold him and sing to him before his nap though. He is just starting to give actual smooches instead of open mouth kisses. He always prays aloud, even if it's someone else's turn. He has totally different feet than Rose. He's got more of the wide baby feet and his toes struggle to go around the thong of his flip flops. He has started singing! For the first time in his life! He sings along to I Love to See the Temple, I am a Child of God, Twinkle Twinkle, Itsy Bitsy Spider, and today he surprised me with I Love You a Bushel and a Peck. He giggled as he sang "toodle oodle oodle" haha. He said it so cute! He certainly can't say all the words to these songs, but knows in general the sounds or vowels that need to come out, along with the tunes. It was so exciting the first time he sang Twinkle Twinklewith us. He calls it "twinkistar". It is his most requested song right now.

Rose had to get 4 shots yesterday as part of our Kindergarten forms. She was so sad about it, and she actually has a bruise on one arm. We got cold stone to make it better. She also had a rug burn on her nose from some game she was playing on the carpet while the babysitter was here. It is scabbingbright now so she looks a pretty sore sight and I feel so bad for her! She luckily doesn't have those insecurities right now-- she's happy and fine. Her favorite things are still coloring with markers, doing crafts or artwork of any kind, playing family (house), and playing games and doing puzzles. She is fairly natural at things involving letters. She picks up new concepts fast, but is very resistant when I try to get her to do specific things to help her learn to read. She can sound out a lot of things already, but definitely needs works on lower case letter recognition. She always wants to learn on her own timetable. Fortunately, I think she has more respect when Miss Connie gives her an assignment than when I do. It's just bugging me because I know more than anyone how smart she is and that she could be reading if she'd try for me. She's also picked up a rather annoying baby talk at school, which is dumb because she never talked like a baby even when she was a baby! I'm not excited for all the behavioral things my kids will learn from peers at school. I love morning time with Rose because she is usually really delightful and kind. I love her enthusiasm for things like her new electric toothbrush and picnics and going outside to "get some exercise." Today she wanted to play Twister, so I got it out and spun for her, and she followed all the commands (with help on the rights and lefts) and she was so happy. I love how blue her eyes are when she's happy, and how cute they are when she's looking up from those bangs that hang close to her eyelashes. I love when she twirls and dances in the family room- her dancing is so fantastic. I love her comments from the back of the car and "play my favorite song" requests. She's also really good at the piano. I just always forget to give her lessons. She gets really excited about it. She goes to ballet once a week. I never get to watch because they have a big curtain drawn the whole time. But she seems to know a lot of terminology from her new teacher so that's good. He's Russian. 

Me? I'm good, just eating Cadbury Mini eggs because the Easter candy is out already (February?) This morning we went to Target and got the big cart, and got a pillow, a container for stuffed animals, and pillow protectors for my bed. The kids like going to Target. We came home for fresh squired orange juice and PB and honey sandwiches. I worked in the late afternoon. I have 15 piano students now and that's going well. I love working with the kids that practice and the ones that "get it", and I find satisfaction in seeing growth in the kids that don't have as much natural ability. The group classes are quite exhausting for me. I drive Rose to preschool 3 days a week, and spend afternoons at home trying to entertain Rose while Finn naps. By 8 pm I'm beat. 

I love my kids.

Pregnancy update & Finn's birthday

Okay, I am back in the land of the living. I made it to 13 weeks and feel much better. This was the picture we used to announce the pregnancy:

My hair is still pink. My belly is coming along, but you can't really tell in my clothes. The baby is 3 inches long now and weighs an ounce. Rose likes talking to her, with her head right by my belly (she thinks it's a sister).
I thought it'd be funny to post the outtakes it took to get that announcement photo.

Pretty funny now, but that day it was a bit frustrating. How hard is it to hold a sign and smile!?
They have been up to a lot of mischief

Here are a few pictures of Finn's birthday celebrations:

 He had a blast with his bayoons

 Moonlight beach and Leucadia donuts

 Little man with hands in pockets

He had a great time at Chuck E Cheese and then at the park and riding his new bike. He loves riding downhill! I can't believe he's 2 years old.

10 Weeks

So there's this:

Baby is 1 1/4" long and now has fingers, toes, and nails. He or she has a developing brain and organs and is basically the tiniest little nugget of a human. 

I'm SO excited! I've been crying since the first week of December. Oh and sick. So yucky sick, more than with Rose or Finn. But I'm just so happy!

Christmas Eve

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=UiSfup00uZY

We rewatched the movie The Nativity Story, and wow it is so touching and powerful. It feels a little slow in the beginning, but I think it is a necessary build up of all the evil in the world and of the story surrounding Christ's birth. It captures all the things that Mary and Joseph felt, and shows the desperation of their last moments before finally finding shelter at the stable. The birth meant so much more to me now that I've had my own children. I held them so tightly as we watched. It is an amazing cinematic moment. We had already sung Christmas hymns, got teary singing Silent Night, and read Luke 2, but this really topped off my night and made me so grateful for the Savior descending to a dark world and sacrificing everything. I also felt the sacrifice of his parents, and of others who came before Him. I'm so thankful I live in a safe, comfortable place. I am feeling very blessed and very thankful in my warm home on this Christmas Eve. We also had a special gift that we gave the kids tonight and I'm excited to post about it here soon.

On a lighter note, I can't wait for the children to wake up on Christmas morning- the best fun all year!

Magic babies

Last night I made hamburgers on the stove. They turned out really yummy. The kids actually ate it. Afterward I turned on some jazzy Christmas music and made Raimo slow dance with me in the family room. The children were tugging at our legs and whining at us to dance with them. So eventually we split and I slow danced with Rose and Raimo danced with Finn. The kids were so happy. The lights of the Christmas free lit up their faces in our dark house. We switched around partners. At one point, Rose was dancing on top of my feet and she looked up at me with such happy eyes and her beautiful smile, and I wanted to bottle it up. It makes everything worth it.

When we do things all together, Rose often declares,"I have my WHOLE family!" She loves the wholeness of having all of us together and it's always so sweet and such a good reminder that we are complete together. If she gets to go on a date with mommy or daddy, she is always really concerned that Finn doesn't get to come. And she loves when all four of us are holding hands while we're walking. Children are amazing glue in families 💗 I love mine so much. Babies are magic.

A Dream is A Wish Your Heart Makes

I had the chance to spend some time with a group of women from church last night. We met at a restaraunt and most of us stayed two hours chatting and getting to know each other better. Whenever girls nights come around, I often think how much easier and more relaxing it would be to stay home and crawl into bed to watch tv after a busy day with small kids. But I'm always glad when I make the effort and just go. I need those female relationships more now, as a wife and mother. I like hearing other women's experiences and thoughts, and I enjoy how we bounce ideas off each other and sometimes just take a moment to complain about a few things and get it out of our systems. Last night I stayed about 30 minutes longer to chat with a couple of women that I am getting to know better. They are driven and ambitious LDS women, and I identify with them a lot. One of them recently applied for law school. One of them is an aspiring screenwriter and is busy trying to make connections and edit a large manuscript. We talked about some of our lofty goals and what steps we are taking and what plans we are making to make those dreams a reality. As stay at home moms, we all feel the weight of the responsibility and duty to our children and I always try to make that my priority. But beyond the scope of our daily tasks and sometimes monotonous chores, there are inside each of us a strong, talented individual woman, who is capable of doing great things alongside the great work of mothering. I feel lucky to live in a time when mothers, particularly in my church community, are carving out space in their lives to do ambitious things, like writing books, starting their own companies, continuing their education, being artists, using their God-given talents, and a myriad of other things, right alongside living their lives as righteous mothers and wives. 

I was particularly grateful to have that short conversation with friends because it made me feel a little more empowered in making brave and bold choices about what I do with my life. It made me recall something I wrote to myself in my journal around 3 years ago a little while after becoming a mom. At that time I had been feeling that my life was forever changed and even stunted a little by motherhood, though I loved my daughter with all my soul and wanted nothing more than to be with her and care for her always. It seemed that my brain was being fried by all the sleepless nights and I felt like I would never do anything FOR myself or BY MYSELF ever again. And I came across an inspirational article, which I've mentioned before on my blog, that suggested to write your big dreams on a piece of paper and sign it. It was kind of eye-opening for me to even acknowledge my wildest dreams to myself, let alone write them down. 

Over the last year or so I think I started letting self-doubt take over, and I started to think some of those dreams were completely out of reach and that I was not allowed to think of anything beyond the care of my children. The naysayers in my own head and in the traditions of our home-and-family-church became a little overwhelming. But last night I allowed myself to think about some things that make me me, as an individual and human, and it was so much fun. I have varied interests and talents and goals and I hope to make some of those dreams come alive again along with all of the great work and challenge of raising a family. 

I loved the advice Elder Oaks gave at a recent Q&A at a night for women in my stake. One mother stood (the same one who just applied for law school) and spoke of her confusion regarding pursuing her aspirations and work as a pianist and musician while maintaining a nurturing and involved environment for her 4 children. His answer was wonderful! He referenced his very talented and hard-working violinist granddaughter, Jenny Oaks Baker, who has an album and is busy performing and doing her spiritual and family duties as well. He basically said to prayerfully follow your own instincts, and that the balance would be different for different people. I appreciated that a lot. So while I may not always feel like there are a lot of options out there for women who are moms, I hope to make some new pathways, whether it be in graduate programs, artistic pursuits, charity work, part-time career work, writing, or whatever I feel like doing. It means a lot to me, as a thinker and independent soul. I have to keep dreaming! 

Halloween 2015

Raimo was in charge of getting the kids dressed for the truck-or-treat because I had to teach my piano classes till 6:30.

Our ward trunk-or-treat was on Tuesday. We had chili as usual, and I actually made some chili to contribute this year. It was a fun night.

On Friday Rose had her Halloween parade at preschool. It was darling.

We spent Halloween day at the beach because it was 80 degrees outside! Then we had nap and dinner and got ready for our night on the town!

Raimo wasn't really able to open his mouth much because he had just had a root canal with a bone graft (!?) on Thursday. He had a root canal on the same tooth right before Halloween 4 years ago :

See how his face is not smiling? haha

Only this year the non smiling made sense

Halloween is so much more fun with kids!

I loved dressing up as a family! I always hated the pressure of Halloween and costumes, so I'm glad we just went for it this year. Rose was really excited that her whole family was a bat family. She was the most glamorous little batgirl!

I love this so much

We met up with the Tanners and trick-or-treated down Coast Highway in Encinitas. All the shops were handing out candy and there was a big display of intricate Jack-o-lanterns at the end.

Batman Ben and batgirl

I love this little profile

This was the queen of Halloween, and she granted each of us a wish

Gotham is safe

Then we had some Baked Bear afterward. More sugar!