Finn turns one!

Finn bear,

It's Friday the 13th. Your first birthday! How many times will that happen for you over all your birthdays in your life? Friday the 13th! It was a pretty nice first birthday for you today. You got up at 4:30 this morning, and dad got up and held you while you slept till 6:30. Then I got up with you and made you some peanut butter toast. You loved it! You also had some fresh pineapple! Then we got dressed and I did some packing for our weekend. You went to the YMCA and then to play with Tess and Henry while I got my hair done. Your very own play date! Our play dates always revolve around Rose, so this was your first time having one of your own. You had a blast I think. Next we drove out to Grandma's house and you and Rose napped for 2 hours while we sat in President's Day weekend traffic. Then it was all bustle and preparing for your little Pooh Bear party.

 Grandma Joan came, and Tracy, Brayden, Spencer, Gunner, and Scarlett. We had a really fun evening eating Pooh-themed food and playing pin the tail on the Eeyore.

You had a blast walking with your push-toy and crawling around with all the big kids. I think you loved the action! You're a very social guy! One of the best parts of the night for you was dinner, and cupcakes. I think the chocolate blew your mind! So you got a sink bath afterward. 

I have been in mourning over this birthday for the last few months. I have loved having you for a baby. You have brought me so much joy- you are really an easy going, happy baby and so snuggly and smiley! Your wide smile and big dimple have captured my heart!!! On Thursday the day before your birthday I took you and Rose to the beach because we've had a hot streak of weather. It reminded me of exactly one year before when I was 37 weeks and 6 days pregnant. VERY pregnant! And it was a hot February day and Rose and I went to Josie's 3rd birthday party. I remember walking up the grassy hill to the park and chasing then 2-year-old Rose around all day. I was so ready for you to be born! I was so glad to be at the beach instead with my two sweet kids, and I was thinking how funny it was that a year ago this little man was not even in our lives-- I didn't know you or what you would be like. And I love you so much and can't imagine not knowing you ... now that I do. You were thrilled with the new experience at the beach. I don't usually let you in the sand because you eat it, but I let you crawl around and you absolutely loved it. I brought a ball too, and you pushed it with one hand, then chased it excitedly across the sand. Over and over! It kept you busy for a long time!

You loved it! I've never seen a little baby do that. I was kicking it too and it was like we were playing soccer together! I held your hands while you walked around, and we touched your toes in the water. Rose was mostly busy "hunting for treasure" and finding simpukankuories (seashells in Finnish)! She also made a friend who was wearing the same swimsuit as her. Anyway, we had the nicest time. We went home and you took a nap. You still nap twice a day for a couple hours, but since we are often out and about, your naps get messed up. You have been waking up at 5 am for a while now and it is just not nice! We get up in darkness. Ugh. But you are so lovely to snuggle with in the morning, and  I usually go make a bottle so you will drink and snuggle with me longer. I will be sad when you stop drinking bottles!

A year ago I woke up feeling slightly uncomfortable. And the pain progressed-- and by the time i figured out some babysitting for Rose and dropped her off with Andrea (and Josie again, coincidentally the day after her party) the pain was absolutely roaring. The drive to La Jolla was SO terrible and every bump felt like fire! I arrived and could not even walk- I had to ask for a wheelchair. I was hoping beyond all hope I was dilated to at least a 3 or 4 so they'd admit me, and found out I was at an 8 or 9. Then I stopped being brave and started making some noise and wanted that epidural IMMEDIATELY! It seemed to take forever for that man to get there, but I will never forget looking into his blue eyes when he arrived and LOVING him for giving me a prefect epidural. Still, it took forever for the pain to subside and I was having the urge to push, which I never experienced with Rose since I had an epidural earlier. There was all kinds of drama because your heart rate kept dropping, and I was on oxygen, and my doctor kept preparing me for the possibility of a c-section. Later Raimo told me there were all these people standing by, and that it was more serious than they had let on to me. They were trying to speed things along because you were not really fitting and they were concerned about you. They were using a vacuum and having me push. Anyway, you finally made it, and I was exhausted! I remember my body was just beat from the pain and I could hardly keep my eyes open. And you were amazing! You were looking right up at me and I just loved you so much. You looked like a little elf. There was some more hustle and bustle with changing rooms and visitors. But more memorable for me is a special moment we had the next afternoon when it was just the two of us in our room. And we had some quality time for a few hours and just snuggled, and I felt this overwhelming love for you. I was learning to know you and it was such a special few hours when the world stopped and I just loved you.

I still love you that way, Finn. My eyes well up just typing it up. I love having you in my arms and in my life. I savor those similar moment when I am holding you right before you go to sleep. You put your head on my shoulder and slip your arms between us (it is so cute and snuggly). When I sing goodnight songs to you, you make a little humming sound with me and it is just so sweet.

I can't wait for all that lies ahead, watching you grow and learn. I am really excited about this second year with you. You are the sweetest. Love you.

xo

Mama