4 years

So one of my biggest loves has become a part of my life again. No, this is not another episode of the dating diaries! I'm talking about music. I hadn't realized how much I was missing it until I started rehearsals in April. The arts have been a huge part
my life and sometimes I had a hard time just deciding which art form was my favorite and which I should pursue. Singing has always been a top contender though. It makes me happy. The Sound of Music has been really fun for me and has only whet my appetite for more music.

Dating Diaries 14

SO the kiss. I'll talk about it in a sec. First, I remembered an important event that happened over that Christmas break. I was having a party at my house for my 20th birthday. I offhandedly invited Raimo, more as a joke really, since he would be in Utah and I would be in California. Well Raimo showed up. He just happened to visit his brother in Yorba Linda over the date of my party and drove out to see me. In fact, we went salsa dancing the night before the party. When he showed up at my house the next day, he looked so cute in a blue polo, gift and pink roses in tow. My mom, who had never met him, knew this must be Raimo because he had brought roses. I had rented a castle bounce house and invited a big group of friends over. A few previous boyfriends/boys I still went out with showed up. In fact, Marc came over early and we had a really nice time together that day. I even kissed him goodbye (Raimo noticed I spent a little too long saying goodbye to him on the porch). But I was really glad to see Raimo too!
So back to Valentines day. Three different people asked me for a date for that night (as I said before, something weird happened sophomore year and I was dating all the time). I turned down the first two, hoping that Raimo would take me out. Take me out he did. I had had a lot of amazing Valentines in my life, but nothing could prepare me for being romanced by Raimo. There were roses everywhere I went that day, starting at my apartment, on the car windshield, delivered to me in each of my classes that day by his trusty friends, with love letters attached to each one. That night he showed up at my door with a dozen more roses and took me to Ottavio's for Italian food. We loved that restaurant so much! From that night on it was the place we always went when we had something to celebrate. After that we drove to his brother's house in Harriman for a double date. We all made valentines together, then as everyone else was setting up to watch an action movie in the family room, we snuck away and Raimo pulled out a surprise--my favorite Disney movie, Sleeping Beauty. (Funny note, Raimo actually OWNED the movie because his mom gave it to him for his 17th birthday. Thanks a lot, mom. He jokes it was inspiration so it would be in his collection when we were dating.) We watched the whole thing snuggled in the spare room. Raimo was fun to snuggle with. He had the nicest bod and he always smelled good. And during the credits of that movie we had our first kiss (kisses actually) to the tune of "Once Upon a Dream." He is a sneaky little romancer! You want details? I'll just say the credits finished but we did not :) We never made it through a whole movie without kissing after that. After all, what are movies for!? When we finally got back in the car to head home, he pulled out a present for me. A pink BYU sweatshirt. It was around 3 a.m. by the time we finally got home. About this time in our dating, things started really heating up. I never wanted to be apart from him. I thought about him all the time. We spent all of our free time together. He was my first official boyfriend in a while, and I stopped going out with other guys around that time. I was "in like" with him.

Dating Diaries 13

My first date with Raimo was to a Vocal Point concert at BYU. I think we doubled with his brother Risto. I remember I wore a little floral print dress, jeans, and teal flats. Afterward we went to Baskin Robbins for ice cream (Raimo and Risto are both lactose intolerant actually...) I don't remember many details. I feel really sad that I don't remember much of our early dating. I just remember that from the beginning I was very attracted to Raimo and was excited to be with him. I actually wrote about all of our dating, engagement, and wedding in great detail in my journal, then lost it shortly after we were married. Four years later, I am coming to terms with the fact that I will never find that journal--I think I lost it on campus, and it is gone for good. I wish I could revisit all of those wonderful feelings. I even wrote in it on our actual wedding day after our temple sealing! I have to remind myself that what I do and feel now is just as important, but for a girl that likes reminisce about the past and dream about the future, the present is usually a little lack-luster.
We continued going on dates throughout fall semester. Raimo would regularly bring me diet cokes and reeses cups and roses. Something that made me love him even more was the fact that he'd also bring a rose for each of my roommates, who weren't dating anyone at the time. It speaks volumes about the kind of person he is and why I fell in love with him. His kindness is one of the qualities that makes him an especially wonderful father. Needless to say, my roommates were big fans of Raimo!
Now that I think about it, we went quite a while before having our first kiss. It happened on Valentines Day...

Current Events

Currently I'm: sitting at rehearsal tonight. We are getting closer and closer to June 6th, opening night! It is fun seeing everything coming together now. We are going to have some pretty long nights in the coming weeks, but I'm having fun!

Currently I'm enjoying: a washer and dryer for mothers' day! And roses! So laundry has been happening in full force again, which is a really good thing.

Currently Rose: is crawling up the stairs like lightning and I'm trying to keep up! She likes to stand and peek between the railings and holler down at me. She is so strong!

Currently my voice: is having some issues. I haven't sung much since BYU Singers 2 years ago, and I have been pushing it too much at practice. I need to go back to the basics and remember to sing the right way--I'm losing my voice and having trouble with consistency and sometimes high notes!

Currently I'm eating: cookies. I had a dream about nutter butters this morning and woke up with a desperate craving that forced me to bake, bake, bake.

Currently Netflixing: Say Yes to the Dress (and some other wedding TCL show), Psych, and other random stuff that isn't worth mentioning

Currently trying: to live in the present and enjoy the little things. It's really hard for me! I'm always pushing toward the next exciting event or thing. Last night I was laying in bed and had a little moment where I felt so happy with things as they were--cuddling (before it got too hot) next to sleeping Raimo, thinking about my darling baby in the other room and her sweet smiles, enjoying the chance I get to sing almost every day in rehearsal. It was a nice moment that I think Heavenly Father helped me have. Why can't I feel that great all the time?

Currently wishing: for more date nights or one-on-one time with Raimo.

Currently thankful: that we finally got to the temple again! It had been over a year due to pregnancy, breastfeeding, expired recommends, and other silly reasons. We did sealings for some of Raimo's ancestors, including his great-grandma Emilia and great-grandpa Matti. Pretty amazing, right?

10 Months

Rose turned 10 months last week. I cannot believe she is almost a year old. She is still very much my baby though. Some notable occurrences from the past month include:

-She drank juice from a bottle the other day!!! This is a HUGE milestone because this girl has been a breastfeeding fiend and has refused the bottle always. I am hoping to make a switch soon for my own sake. Milk in a bottle has been unsuccessful, but we'll keep trying!
-She climbed up our very steep, very tall staircase! I had never even seen her even attempt it before! I went upstairs to put away some clothes, and about five minutes later I turned around and Rose was at the top of the landing! It was a very exciting moment, and we were both just smiling at each other! She was pretty proud of herself. She seemed too tiny to have been able to do that!
-She is getting very strong very quickly. She can not only stand up against things, but can also get herself back down now. It seems like she will be standing before we know it.
-She wrinkles her nose when she smiles. It is infectious.
-She is starting to get into things and makes a mess of the toilet paper on a daily basis. I have to watch her always.

 She loves clapping!

S

 I took a ton of pics of her adorable toes! I can't get enough of them!

Dating Diaries 12

(continued) So I was dating my dance partner at the time, and he was in the same class as me and Raimo. He and I would walk together after class, and we would part ways to go to our next classes. Raimo would follow along behind us and swoop in on me after the other guy had taken off to his class, and Raimo would walk me the rest of the way. (The funny thing is my dance partner and Raimo were in the same class after our Latin Ballroom class, so I'm guessing Raimo was always late to it...?) Anyway, I thought it was cute of him, and one day he got enough courage to ask me for my number. It took him a very long time to call.
During one of those walks, I was telling Raimo that I had a choir performance coming up and that I always felt a little sad that my family couldn't come. I had never had anyone in the audience for a performance. So I sang in homecoming spectacular and as I was driving away, I got a call from Raimo asking where I was. He had shown up to hear me and was still at the Marriott Center. I turned around and picked him up (he had a red rose for me--roses ended up being a big theme in our dating, part of the reason I loved naming my daughter Rose) and I suggested we get ice cream at the creamery. I wouldn't find out till later that he was lactose intolerant!

"I believe, help my unbelief"

I copied this quote from an article that was being passed around the internet a few weeks ago.

"My doubt is actually part of my faith.
In Mark 9:24, a man says to Jesus, “I believe, help my unbelief.” The Catholic writer Flannery O’Connor called this the foundation prayer of faith. I pray that prayer often and believe that God honors my honesty.
I also believe God honors my longing. The writer and theologian Frederick Buechner said “Faith is homesickness.” C.S. Lewis called it “Sehnsucht,” a longing for a far-off country. I feel that sense of unshakable yearning. It comes from the deepest part of my heart, a spiritual desire that’s strangely, mysteriously connected to my doubt.
Sitting in church every Sunday, my doubt is my desire – to touch the untouchable, to possess the presence of God."

Isn't this an interesting way of looking at doubt as a natural part of faith? Instead of brushing doubt under the rug, this man highlights it and tries to connect it with faith. I personally can't focus on doubt because i think that makes doubt grow and faith weaken. But I love that very humble plea to the Savior: I believe, help my unbelief. Maybe recognizing the weak points of our faith allows us to rely more on Jesus Christ for support and to receive more faith in return. It's his desire or longing for divinity in life that I identify with.

On Motherhood

I loved this essay on http://nieniedialogues.blogspot.com. I thought it was so beautiful and so well-written!

 

Sensible Shoes

by: Emily Baer

Motherhood is mostly about wearing the right shoes.

We are ballet dancers with our newborns in the middle of the night. We are construction workers on the living room carpet with our toddlers and their building blocks. We are scientists and mystics when banishing bad dreams and monsters in the closet. We are coaches, cheerleaders, teammates when life gets tough and faith is thin on the ground. We are therapists and sometimes we are drill sergeants. We are intuitive, understanding, and forgiving. We are the kissers of boo-boos, the medical team on the field, the picker-uppers, the duster-offers, the go-get-em-now-ers.

We are the teenage battering rams. We are the least liked chefs. We are the ponytail wearers, the carpool drivers, the wipers of smudges, the please and thank you enforcers.

We are the grateful recipients of dandelions and painted paper hearts, of whispered I love you’s and little hands held in the dark; and also of rolled eyes and skeptic pre-teen attitudes.

We are a brave face. We are pilgrims on our knees asking for guidance, direction, and a few tablespoons of grace. We are the tearful-proud standing in the corners, watching our little ones blossom for all the world to see.

We are believers of make believe and impossible dreams. We are the keepers of maps, the holders of keys, pilots and co-pilots when those dreams take flight (and they regularly do).

We are champions of the underdog. We are party planners and cupcake decorators, banner hangers and town criers when the world should know how wonderful our children are.

We are the oft under-consulted consultants. We are collectors, curators of our children’s hopes and histories. We are the ride to the movies, the ticket to freedom, the tether to self discipline.

We are the first sought when something is amiss. We are the seekers and the finders, be it mittens, or homework papers, or broken heart pieces. We are a harbor. And a force. We are just the right words at just the right moment; a quiet resolve to see things all the way through.

And when it is entirely necessary, we are professors of lost arts, like how to spin around barefoot in the sunshine.

More on marriage

These are a couple of good articles for husbands and wives.

http://ldsmag.com/church/article/8174?ac=1&start=4
http://www.ldsmag.com/component/zine/article/7979?start=1