Wednesday, August 29, 2012


I enjoyed Paul Ryan's speech. As this is my first time watching one of these conventions, I couldn't help but laugh out loud at the random shots of staunch republicans in their best republican gear, shown intermittently throughout his speech. Elephant hats, strange hair, lovely outfits, crazy cheering and jeering. My goodness, what a riot, but all that aside I liked what he had to say. I especially loved his ending comments about Mitt being prayerful, faithful, and honorable. It would be refreshing to have that in a leader. Why do so many men lack these important qualities, honesty in particular? I was also glad he pointed out some of the lies that have been perpetuated by Obama. He does like to point the finger at everyone but himself. However, I am usually less interested in the mud-slinging and more interested in the positive points the candidate has to offer. It seems like Romney has a lot going for him. And there's Ann. Lovely Ann. My husband will not fail. I believe her, and I believe in the integrity and work ethic of MittRomney. The prospect of a new president is always exciting. This time I am feeling excited and very curious. I am excited to be voting in California, (as if my one vote will matter so much) since we all know who will win Utah!

Monday, August 20, 2012

Two cute things

Today Rose was feeling her belly and found her belly button. It was the cutest moment ever. She had this little look of discovery on her face and she was just thinking about it.

Also, she took some steps for me!!! Raimo has seen her take a couple steps unassisted, but she took like 7 or 8 for me! She was so proud of herself and it was so exciting. We know she is strong enough to do it, but I think she is just not really interested in stepping when crawling is so fast and easy. But she has pretty amazing balance on those little leggies. Maybe she will figure it out soon.

Sunday, August 19, 2012


You know how you don't realize how you love something until it's gone? Well I love that Rose sleeps all night and takes 2 naps.... er... usually sleeps all night and sometimes takes 2 naps. This week was challenging. She cried so much. I'm guessing it was teething, though it seems like it's just one little tooth that's coming in. What's the big deal? There was hardly any fuss with the other 4 teeth. She also had a fever for 2 or 3 days and I had to keep her on Ibuprofen to keep it down. I think she had a cold too. Anyway, without any daytime naps and with being awake much of the night, Rose has been super miserable and so so fussy, making for an impatient mama. I can't remember the last time she was this unhappy-- and for so long! After a few days with no naps, she fell asleep in the car on Friday evening, so I drove around for 2 hours to keep her asleep. She woke up about 5 or 6 times, but kept falling back asleep. I think it helped her a lot because her body was able to relax and get some good sleep later that night too. And yesterday she took another nap in the car, and last night she slept all night. This morning she finally fell asleep in her bed for a nap after much crying and protesting (no naps in bed now for many days--that girl is so stubborn). It makes me grateful. I guess in phases like this you just get through it. I usually write about the happy days, but this is part of parenting too. I haven't done much of anything besides console a baby this week! Thankfully she is feeling better! I love holding her when she's finally asleep. Babies are so precious when they're sleeping, and I finally get to steal some kisses.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Poetry Night

Tonight I picked up my Sara Teasdale book of love poems to re-read one of my favorites. And you know, one thing led to another and I read the whole book. It's amazing how the same literature can have such a different impact on you from one phase of life to the next. My favorites were no longer my favorites and some new lines stood out to me this time. And one thing led to another and I was reading Billy Collins' Sailing Alone Around the Room and laughing at his little jokes and enjoying him so much more than I did in college.

The other day I found a poem in my documents that I started a year ago. So I finished it (or I guess just worked on it, since poems never seem to be totally finished for me). Here it is.

Summer Baby

Your breath
sweet like grass
warms my cheek,
your cheek—
skin smooth and
ripe like a plum
—is cool and

Wet rose
petal lips,
as narrow as your nose,

Searching for me,
inquisitive pools
like blue marbles
rimmed with feathery lashes
You curl your toes
stinky baby feet

Your pointer finger
traces my mouth,
pushes past to
teeth. I taste,
close my teeth on it,
your smile
a whole-face smile
like sun in summer.

Like I said, not finished, but it's on paper (figuratively). I never feel like I can catch those exquisite moments in words. It's impossible, but I guess it's fun to try. At least those who know Rose well would understand this poem. 

Here's a piece of Books by Collins that I really loved:

From the heart of this dark, evacuated campus
I can hear the library humming in the night,
a choir of authors murmuring inside their books
along the unlit, alphabetical shelves,
Giovanni Pontano next to Pope, Dumas next to his son,
each one stitched into his own private coat,
together forming a low, gigantic chord of language.

Perfect, right? The poem goes on, but that first segment really excited me. I loved my BYU library. It felt like a magical place at night. Maybe I resented the space unknowingly when I had to tie myself to one of the desks to finish a paper. But I loved it too. In fact, I wish I could walk into it right now, my student ID in hand, and choose from millions of books and fall into a chair to read.

So tonight has become a poetry night. Maybe next I'll pick up Natasha Saje's Red Under the Skin. There are so many lines in her poems that make me think, "Yes, exactly!" Isn't that what makes poems so great? When they can say exactly what we think and feel in a beautiful or interesting or just unique way? Okay, you know what... I'm just going to go ahead and post one her poems right now. Hang on till the end. It's my favorite part.


Dien Zug kenne keinen Bahnhof,
my mother would tell me,
astonished at how much
I could consume of whatever
pleased me: ice cream or chocolates,
and later, smoked salmon, Westphalian ham.
Your train knows no station. 
Now that I'm an adult, my train knows 
several stations, though sometimes
it's a greed express, ripping through
an entire apple tart,
a quart of blueberries,
a pound of Camembert.
All children are greedy 
until they learn to curb unattractive habits,
like chewing fingernails or picking noses.
From Old English, graedig:  Beowulf didn't worry
about how he looked chowing down
a leg of ox or a few pheasants, whole.
A friend taps his wife's frail wrist: honey,
wouldn't sorbet be better than ice cream?
Some trains idle and weeds then grow between their tracks.
Once for two weeks I ate nothing,
drinking only mineral water.
I imagined myself light as an airmail letter;
a man's hands could encircle my waist.
I climbed flights of stairs one at a time,
panting. The memory makes me see myself 
stare at the shape of a woman 
who swims in my pool: her thighs
have the heft of a good dictionary.
She's never sick,
she can lift a lawn mower over the hedge,
she's the only conductor on her train,
and she knows which stations
are worth stopping for.

Monday, August 6, 2012

Fun With Friends

Traci is my phone friend. We have know each other since we were little girls in Sunday School, but we didn't start hanging out until later in high school. We were in Oklahoma! together. We had government together first period and both had a fun friendship with that teacher, Mr. Lynch. We started going to Starbucks together between seminary and school. We went to the gym together. We ditched school to go to Disneyland. We were total girly-girls and had a lot in common that I never knew before. When I think about hanging out with her, I think of lots of laughs, some fun gossip, girly movies, shopping... you know. Fun stuff. I love just talking with her. She started becoming my friend at a time when I felt like I didn't really have friends--I was glad to have her in my life. Well she went off to BYU-I and I went to Provo. She came and stayed with me during General Conference a few times and we just had a lot of fun getting some good grub and chatting and listening to the talks. Traci is a great example to me of living the gospel and of sharing it with those around her.
Now we are both married, and she decided to move across the country!!! So we just talk on the phone now and keep each other updated. We talk about moving back to California and being neighbors so we can hang out and do GTL (gym, tan, laundry.... did I get that right?) I miss seeing her, but hopefully it won't be too long before I do!

August To Do List

The play finally ended. Two very full months passed, and about 46 performances later it is over. I was looking forward to the end, especially since we started having so many matinees in the last weeks (it's harder to find sitters, plus it's more time away from my baby). However, the last few shows were really sad! It has been really fun for me to be part of this production and to have a chance to hang out with friends every other night. Not to mention sing and perform. I am planning on doing more shows soon. I actually tried out for the lead in South Pacific at the Hale in Orem, and I got a call back! The call backs were about 5 hours and super intimidating. The other 3 girls were really talented and I learned a lot about auditioning just by watching them. I didn't get the part, which I expected. In fact, leaving that day I told my mom I already knew which two girls would get it. And they did. It still wasn't very fun to find out last week though. However, I am home again which is nice. I feel very very free again.

This month I want to get some things done:
relax and hang out with Rose,
finish painting my table and chairs and reupholster the seats,
hang some more pictures,
get some boring things done on my "to do" list,
go to California,
see Tracy married!!!
go to the beach,
plan a trip with Raimo,
get some more exercise since I didn't do much while in the play,
buy a hutch for my china,
paint Rose's bookshelf,
hang out with friends,
go on dates,
try out for another play maybe...

I was telling Raimo yesterday that I just felt optimistic about the future. This is totally uncharacteristic for me. Something about some of the things I heard in church, combined with what I've been thinking about this month and some things I've been studying I think have overall contributed to a sense of well-being. Normally I'm so focused on where I want to be and on the goals I have for myself. But I was just feeling like I have everything I want, and the future still holds a lot of exciting things. I was also feeling very thankful for my little family. We have been very blessed.

This summer passed by so quickly, as it always does. Winter comes too quickly in Utah. Maybe I will add "hunt for California jobs" to the above list... ;) Anyone have any good leads?